[washington]

Our daughter secretly married in 2006 by a Justice of the Peace. They told family members in 2007 they were married. Now they want a real wedding in 2009. As parents, how do we deal with this? We offered a reception/picnic but they want a wedding. Are there any guidelines for something like this? Our daughter is 26.

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 07 September 2025 - 03:37 PM

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Mom and Dad -

The kids are already married. What they had was a real wedding since the result was a marriage. It's really too late for a reception too. Plus, you're not responsible for giving this to your daughter. She and her husband are adults. The only thing you can do is to get them an etiquette book and, if they care how they appear, hopefully they will not go ahead with another wedding and embarrass themselves. After all, the guests know they are married. Most people will think it odd and might feel as though your daughter simply wants gifts.

It's never to late to teach our children. perhaps you can teach her that everyone makes choices and they must live by them. She made her choice to get married back in 2006. If she wanted a dream wedding, she should have planned one back then.

Good luck.

[Etiquette Now]

I could not agree more. We all make decisions and choices for ourselves and we have to live with the consequences.

Perhaps you could help her understand why this isn't proper by reminding her that she is a wife, not a bride, and ask how she will resolve that issue. If they plan to invite guests, they would have to face their guests' views on the event as well. And, as the Wedding Queen mentioned, they may not be too kind. It really could appear rather silly.

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 07 September 2025 - 04:17 PM