[SarahBee81]

Hello.

My fiancé’s parents have graciously offered to pay for our rehearsal dinner. About a month ago, I sent a list to his parents of the guests to be invited (immediate family and those participating in the wedding). We have since decided to include two other family members in the ceremony (as readers). One of our additions is his aunt; she is currently winning a battle against cancer and we feel it will be very meaningful to involve her. My fiancé informed his mother of our ceremony changes, and asked her to include these family members in the rehearsal dinner. His mother refuses to do so, and told him that he will instead have his sisters fulfill these new roles in our ceremony (for several reasons we have decided that this substitution will not be appropriate). We have offered to pay for these additional guests on our own, but she still refuses to invite them. We are quite upset over this, as we feel that we cannot have our ceremony as we would like it because these additional guests will not be invited to the rehearsal dinner.

My fiancé has considered thanking his parents for their gracious offer to pay for the rehearsal dinner, but informing them that we will instead host it (and pay for it). The wedding is only a few months away, and the rehearsal dinner has already been planned by his parents. If we were to take this road, would we need to plan a new rehearsal dinner, or could we simply take over where his parents left off? If you don't suggest taking this route, do you have any other suggestions? It may not be important, but his mother has been very difficult throughout this process; both reasoning with her and referring her to etiquette has been overall mighty unsuccessful.

Thanks in advance

[Etiquette Now]

Dear SarahBee,

It sounds like you know your etiquette. Thank you. And, as it is true that as host, she decides who her guests are, we always invite those involved in the wedding. To suggest to you that you change your bridal party based on who she wishes to host is not polite or even nice.

So, it may be best to follow your instincts and host your own rehearsal dinner. You could host using her plans if you wish. Other options would be to host a very informal affair at your home or skipping the dinner all together. It is optional, after all.

Best wishes,

[SarahBee81]

Thanks so much. I appreciate your input.