[proudSLDR]

I am currently deployed overseas without much time remaining of my tour, as well as my enlistment. I've informed my parents of my intentions to propose after I return though they both anticipated my making an "announcement" while I was with my girl for R&R; leave. I plan on asking for her parents blessing as a sign of respect for them and a small part of my own "old-fashioned tradition" belief. Though I'm not quite sure when, I'll do this via phone call sometime before I head back. Additionally, I have no doubt they think highly of me already nor any reason to suspect they would disapprove.

I know what type of ring she wants as a wedding band, I think, and am pretty sure I can get an engagement ring where the stone would transfer to the wedding band. Big problem with the ring issue: I don't know her size. This issue comes up later.

My main concern is when I should propose. I would love to propose to her as I exit the plane stateside and see her again. This is an issue because not only would I rather not detract from the other guys' reunions with their loved ones, but in the end I think the situation wouldn't be appropriate. From previous conversations with her I've deduced that she envisions her "perfect proposal" at a time where a small group of known friends/family "know that it's coming." She graduates college this May and I know it would mean a lot to her to have been proposed to prior to that; with the pictures and large gathering of family/friends.

Should I ignore her "perfect picture" and set up something more romantic for the two of us? Should I casually arrange a small get-together in order to propose then? Should I propose the night I get back while both our parents are there? If so, how would I get the ring prior to then? Would it be appropriate to ask her mother to find me a ring size after announcing my intentions?

I've spent so much time racking my brain on how to go about this right but there's so much I can't seem to figure out. I couldn't bare to propose without a ring, but I don't know how long I could go keeping my mouth shut when I just want to scream it. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated, and sorry it's so long.

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 01 January 2026 - 08:28 AM

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Happy New Year and thank you very much for your service.

There is no right or wrong way to propose, really. It's all up to you. Only you know the personalities of the people involved well enough to make this decision. But, if you were my son, here's what my advice would be.

Do what is in your heart. If you plan a proposal that is heartfelt it will be evident and shine through and your woman should be thrilled. There's nothing wrong with asking friends or family to help you get ring sizes or to keep the secret but, in my opinion, the fewer who know, the better.

Try not to strive for perfection. When humans are involved, perfection is rarely achieved. Again, follow the love in your heart and let the genuine feelings flow.

I wish you a safe trip back home and would love to hear how this all turned out.

God bless you and all of our troops,

[Yvonne - Blended Families]

Congratulations on your decisions so far, to propose and spend your life with the partner of your choice. This should turn out wonderfully any way you choose to go, but it soundsl like you have a fairly good idea of what she would consider the "perfect proposal" and it seems important for you to make this about her, so I would follow your intuition and your heart on this one. Proposing immediately right off the plane sounds romantic, and would also be your choice as it would be sooner rather than later, but I think you've already ruled that out for at least 2 reasons. Enjoy this exciting time of anticipation as you wait for the right time; it's difficult becuase you want to shout from the roof tops, but savor this and it will only make it more special when you eventually propose.

As for the ring size issue, I agree, it's absolutely fine to get family's assistance on this but keeping the number of people who know to a minimum is also a good idea.

Enjoy this magical time and look forward to your future. Don't agonize about doing everything absolutely right as there is no absolutely right way. Best of Luck to both of you.

[Etiquette Now]

I have a slightly different take on this, which is surprising since etiquette gets a bad rap for being so last century.

Asking for parent's permission sounds great and traditional, but could backfire, as, even though you think her parents would approve, they may not. Plus, it may be best for you two to announce your engagement together.

Many times, ladies are not happy with rings their fiances' present--romantic yes, but not always successful. The fiancee is now stuck with the dilemma of having to tell their fiance that she doesn't like the ring or having to wear something she isn't happy with. So, it might be better to present her with a "stand-in", such as a IOU note with a promise to choose the ring together. Of course you know your lady much better than me, so it is your choice.

Take care and be safe. Please let us know how this plays out.