[erin701]

I am getting married this summer 2009. So far my parents have generously offered to pay for the entire ceremony and reception, stating that they don't want my fiance or I to have financial burdens from the wedding and that they'd like it to be a nice event. My fiance's parents didn't offer to contribute financially until well after my parents had made it clear that they were willing to contribute whatever was needed to make it a nice event. My fiance's parents ended up offering about 1/5 of the entire cost, even though they had payed for my fiance's brother's entire wedding. Because my mom is so excited about the wedding and willing to do whatever it takes to make it a nice event, I feel like she's ended up communicating about wedding contributions in a way that has made it easy for my fiance's parents to let her shoulder the financial burden. However, our parents have similar financial resources.

I feel like the costs should be split more equally between the two families, even if that means that my fiance and I take up some of the financial burden for his parents. However, his family has reiterated that traditionally the bride's family pays for wedding. I've felt a lot of guilt about my parents paying so much money and have felt hurt that his parents haven't offered to do more.

Please help!

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Neither set of parents are responsible for paying for a wedding anymore - old news.

It shouldn't matter whether your fiance's parent's paid for former weddings or if they have the means to pay. Especially since we really don't know what their finances are - we never really know that.

Your parents have graciously offered to pay, and his parents have offered to help. It seems that the parents are happy about it, but if you're not, then you and your groom can offer to also kick in. But, remember, your mother said she wanted to do this for you.

[Etiquette Now]

I agree. And, it isn't fair to demonize your future in laws because they are not contributing as much as you would like. They have given you a gift and it is only polite to be grateful for it.