[deena]

I have been invited to my boyfriend's sister's bridal shower. I was touched by the gesture and I am friendly with the bride, but not especially close with her. Due to my work schedule, I am unable to attend. (Also, I felt that I would feel uncomfortable because I wouldn't know that many people)

I know that you have stated that guests who are not attending the shower do not have to give a shower gift. My mother and I still felt it would be a nice gesture to give a shower gift. I am a savvy shopper and I found a great gift at an incredible bargain (a decorative ceramic bowl that matches the bride's taste and colors). I plan to ship this gift to the shower host.

My question is, what does one write in the card for a shower gift? Is the card addressed to the couple (since the gift is for both of them) or to the bride (since it's her party)? My dad is usually the expert when it comes to wording beautiful sentiments for engagement and wedding cards, but having never been to or hosted a bridal shower before, he is at a loss. Any ideas about what I could say? Thank you!

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Deena,

Traditionally the shower gift was for the bride because these gifts were supposed to help the lady of the house with setting up her new abode. But, the gifts are really for both of them today. We still address the card to the bride though. Inside the card you can mention that you hope they both find the gift enjoyable

Best wishes,