[kpwbm]

I am a bridesmaid in a friend's upcoming wedding. She decided not to select a maid of honor for reasons unknown, so there is no one to take reigns over certain tasks.

The bride met with me and asked me in person to host a shower for her and plan her bachelorette. Not being able to say anything but yes in person, and taken aback that she would ASK me to throw her a shower, I was left only to HOPE the other bridesmaids would be willing to help with costs, specifically for the shower. Unfortunately, the willingness to help financially is very minimal, and I've been put in a position that is making me resentful having to pick up so much cost I wasn't expecting on my own. Help!

I'm getting to the point I just want this to be over and resent the entire process. Can the shower be my actual shower & wedding gift to the bride instead of another separate gift?

Thanks!

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

The shower shouldn't be your gift. Go to the bride and have a nice heart-to-heart with her. Explain to her that you accepted her request because you were embarrassed but now realize that you will never be able to afford to host a shower. (Bachelorette parties are paid by each individual attending - you can agree, or not, to organize). Let her know in a sincere and polite manner that you've read that hosting showers are not obligatory, in fact, they are optional, and she caught you off guard with her request. The only expenses bridesmaids incur are the attire and expenses of the day for their own person such as hair, nails, jewelry, shoes, dress, etc.

[Etiquette Now]

Very well put and I couldn't agree more. Perhaps your wedding gift could be an etiquette book so she won't make a mistake like this in the future. [;)]