[hkh318]

My fiance and I are getting married mid-November and my mother is still shopping for her dress. My fiance assured me that his mother was aware of the proper etiquette guidelines and that she would wait until my mother had purchased her dress and then she would purchase a dress that would complement it as well as the bridesmaid dresses.

Well, last night I received a call from the groom's mother telling me that she purchased a rose colored full-length dress with a bead trimmed bolero jacket. I am upset that she went ahead and purchased her dress and I am not sure what to say to her. While we were on the phone I was pretty much silent (but still politely responded to her) because I was so dumbfounded by her rudeness. Not only am I upset that she purchased a dress prior to my mother picking out her dress, but I am upset because rose is not one of the colors we discussed. I am wearing an ivory full A-line dress with Alencon lace on the bodice and the hem, my bridesmaids are wearing full-length full-skirt vintage bronze dresses with gold wraps. My fiance and I had discussed with both mothers that we thought that rich jewel-tones or metallic type colors such as gold or copper would look great with the rest of the wedding party. I'm at a loss as to how I should approach the mother of the groom. What should I/we say to her?

Or am I just getting too hung up on proper etiquette? I'm beginning to think proper etiquette has fallen by the wayside these days. . .

Thank you in advance for your help.

[Makeup Expert]

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Yes, you are right about etiquette being fallen by the wayside these days. However, the most important thing now is not to get upset before the wedding, and not let this situation make your relationship with your future mother-in-law turn sour. O.K.; she made a major etiquette faux-pas. Let's see what we can do with the situation. The colors and styles of dresses you have selected for yourself and your bridal party sound fantastic! If your Mom selects a dress in lighter bronze or gold-tones, or even in lighter beges but richly embroidered/trimmed with gold and bronze beading/sequins, that might 1) look fantastic on her and 2) tie the entire color scheme together. If, in addition to that, you give the mother of the groom similarly colored corsage (flowers colored in gold/bronze - the florist can spray-paint them for you), and include rose color into your Mom's corsage, that will eliminate any possible color dissonance and will tie everything together for sure. Try to stay calm and keep people around you happy, and you will get the wedding of your dreams! Enjoy!

[Etiquette Now]

That is wonderful and perfect advice. She made a big mistake, but your reaction is the most important element here. I believe if you follow the previous advice, it will be just fine.

Side note: it does somewhat appear as if etiquette is side-lined because we see so much crass and over the top behavior. I believe that this is because we can. Our televisions and computers spit out what sells, which is usually bizarre behavior. But, this has been one of the biggest years for me and others (that I know of). It seems that people really want to know what is considered appropriate and they want to do what is fair for most and what is right for most. And, that is what etiquette and good manners are. Thank you for wanting to perpetuate this.