[hook4226]

My fiance' is a pastor of a small church (about 80 members) about 2 hours away from where we plan to have our wedding. Our wedding is in about 10 months, and he has only been at the church for about 2.

Naturally, because the church is so small and in such a small town, all of the members know our wedding date and may even plan to throw us a shower some time in the near future. I go to school in that town and will be working with the youth as soon as school starts.

Our reception hall holds about 200, at most, and we are inviting more than that already. (My dad is an elder at the 500-member church that I grew up in, where the ceremony will be held.)

What is the best way to go about this? Should we just not invite anyone from the church? There are obviously certain people in the church that we are closer to than others, but I'm afraid that inviting only a couple families would be incredibly rude and would hurt some feelings. Because he is a pastor, we really need to tread lightly.

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Hook,

It may be best to inform everyone that the ceremony won't be in town, space is limited, and it is too difficult to choose one family over another to invite. So, you two decided not to invite anyone to the ceremony.

As for the shower, as per etiquette rules, it is not polite to invite anyone to a shower and not the wedding. It wouldn't be polite for any of them to host a shower for you. It may be difficult to explain this to those who really want to share in this experience with you, so just explain with a sincere smile.

Best wishes,