[gtgirl]

Hi,

I will have a flower girl, age 5, from my father's side in the wedding and the ring bearer, age 5, from my mother's side. Both of those children have a younger sibling. Our guest list is 200+ and with a high cost per plate, we've decided not to have children at our wedding/reception except for the children attendants. But do we need to make an exception for those two additional children in the two family units, who would otherwise be left out. I presume that both sets of parents of each child attendant would be at the wedding also, and wonder if possible childcare issues for the 2nd child in each family might cause issues.

[Nancy Tucker]

It would be very impolite to invite the children who are attending and not invite their siblings. This would put an additional burden on the parents of your attendants.

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Gtgirl,

This is one of the biggest reasons I always advise not to include children in the wedding if not inviting any. You are obligated to invite all the children of those families and they need to be invited to the reception as well. And, this could cause those guests whose children are not invited, to be insulted because their children weren't invited. It's as if you are telling them that their children aren't good enough.

So, at the very least, you are obligated to invite these siblings. You could provide child care on or near the venue.

Best wishes,

[gtgirl]

Thank you.

I had talked it over with my parents and we have decided to include the 2 siblings. As for other children, I kid you not when I say I have 26 first cousins on my father's side alone and I am one of the younger ones, so most everyone else is married and multiplied. It simply is not possible to have all of their children at our wedding, and at $110 a plate - not gonna happen. [unsure] On to the next thing.

[Etiquette Now]

Good. Hopefully there won't be any hurt feelings. But, perhaps with a family as large as yours, others have had to do the same.