[Different]

I'm having an evening masquerade wedding and reception at a small lodge that will not be particularly child friendly. I would rather not have infants at my late night event where there will be drinking, but I can't count on all of my guests feeling the same. Is it necessary for me to call each guest that has children and inform them of this or can I include a personal note in the invitation? I understand that I should address the inner envelope to indicate those who are invited, but I would rather violate etiquette than have wailing children and upset guests at my wedding due to misunderstandings.

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Different,

It is never polite to include a note about the affair being adult only (or don't bring your "wailing children") in our wedding invitations. We don't include this information anywhere on or about the invitation--no getting around this rule. You know about listing the names of those invited on the envelope, so you already know how to do this correctly. If you are willing to breach etiquette rules and possibly insulting your guests, then so be it. There are no etiquette police to carry you away in chains.

Due to so many guests not knowing how to be good guests, some hosts have resorted to listing the names of those invited on the reply card as well. Although not entirely proper, there isn't anything insulting or completely improper about it either. That might be an option.

Best wishes,

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

I agree - it would be insulting to get that sort of phone call. The message would be:

1. The guest isn't a good parent.

2. The child is misbehaved or somehow annoying.

3. Suggests the guest doesn't understand etiquette.

None of those are positive or welcoming messages.