[groomsmind]

We are planning a wedding and reception expecting 400 guest. The wedding was originally to be held at our place of worship, but we have just found out it will not be available and have to have the wedding and reception at the same place. We now plan to have 160 family and close friends to attend the ceremony and be fed dinner and hors deourves immediately after. The remaining guests will receive reception only invitations and are to arrive at 8pm for cake and punch on us. We really would like everyone to attend the wedding but are not even sure if having additional guess arrive after the ceremony is even appropiate. Plus we can't afford to feed all 400 guest dinner. Please Advise. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 15 September 2025 - 06:55 AM

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

While sending reception only invitations is fine, it is not polite to serve meals to some guests and not to others.

Put yourself in the place of the guests who are only invited for cake and punch. They will be arriving into a group of guests who have already been treated to a nice dinner. You'd probably feel insulted or hurt that you weren't good enough for the main event.

Host the party you can afford. You'll have to decide to entertain all 400 guests with a smaller fare, different time of day, etc., or shorten your guest list.

[groomsmind]

Your advice is very practical and wise. I guess I was thinking family and out of town guess deserve a meal. After considering your words I keep coming back to the following options: Option 1: have 160 family and close friends(out of town guest) attend the ceremony and be fed dinner and hors deourves immediately after. The remaining guests will receive reception only invitations and are to arrive at 8pm for cake and punch on us. Option 2: Open wedding and reception adjust the time and make it a cake and punch reception for everyone. The only thing is we currently are under contract to pay for at least 160 meals regardless. Option 3: Have rehearsal early at the hotel (2pm-ish), serve a rehearsal brunch (we have the crown for 8 hours). Have a late open wedding and reception at the hotel and serve cake and punch starting anywhere between 7pm-8pm. (I will have to check with hotel to see about additional hours.) Can you advise on which would be the most classy thing to do and tell me what might be the pros and cons of each approach? I certainly do not want to offend anyone.

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 16 September 2025 - 07:41 AM

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Option one isn't really an option as per my first reply, since those guests won't get a meal.

My first round of advice still applies.

[Etiquette Now]

As a host, you are expected to offer your guests what they would expect at the time of your event, and with weddings all guests are invited to the entire reception--not just a portion of it. So, option one is definitely not polite or considered classy. Option 2 is great as long as the wedding and reception are held during a time guests will not expect a meal. Option 3 could be a problem if you intend to invite more than just those who are rehearsing. If you are inviting many guests, like all of your out of town guests, then it could (again) insult your other guests who might think they were not good enough to be invited. Plus, hosting a late cake and punch reception most likely wouldn't be viewed positively. Most guests would be expecting something a bit more festive and substantial like appetizers and alcoholic beverages.

The best option would be to cut your guest list. Host the party you can afford to host politely.

[groomsmind]

Thanks for your advice. I hope I'm on the right track here. Now, I'm okay with evening wedding and reception with heavy appetizers, cake and punch. I can take option 3 and instead of having a rehearsal brunch, use that money for food in the evening. Feed more people (perhaps 300) with hors deourves and dessert. The time that was slated for the brunch can be used to take care of some picture taking. A later start time should work very well with my bridal party. I have to run it by my soon to be other half, but it seems like it could work.

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 16 September 2025 - 07:42 AM