[HenryLA]

Groom-to-be here.

My parents want to host a rehearsal dinner at their expense. Since the parents of the bride are graciously covering all other wedding expenses, my parents want to do their part as well.

However, we are at a sticking point with our guest list. My parents had in mind a dinner including our immediate families,the wedding party, the wedding officiant and her spouse. This would place the guest list at just below 30 guests.

I asked my fiancee and her mom if they could give me a list of people to invite to the rehearsal dinner. They gave me a list of names that included out-of-town guests (another 10 or more guests) as well as other couples who plan on hosting various wedding parties for us (at least 4 couples, so another +8).

When all is said and done, this puts the list dangerously close to 50. My parents are financially well-off, but I feel somewhat rude asking them to alter what they envisioned for this rehearsal dinner.

My fiancee feels that to accommodate more people and keep costs down, perhaps we do something more informal. I brought this up to my parents and they weren't wild about the idea; they worry about being seen as cheapskates and not offering what they feel is a proper rehearsal dinner experience.

My fiancee and her family are wonderful and have specifically stated that they feel that it is up to my parents to determine the size and avenue of the rehearsal dinner. But after learning of their idea of a rehearsal dinner guest list I feel like my parents and I are in a difficult situation.

What is the best way to fix this? Are my parents being rude by excluding non-wedding-party out-of-towners and people who are throwing us wedding parties?

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 23 November 2025 - 04:58 PM

[Etiquette Now]

Dear HenryLA,

Your parents are correct about who should be invited to a rehearsal dinner. They shouldn't be asked to host any more guests. It may be best to ask your fiancee to read about who should be invited to a rehearsal dinner. Plus, you could emphasize that this pressure to host more guests is embarrassing and not fair for you and your parents.

Hosts of prewedding parties are not typically invited to a rehearsal dinner. You two would give them a small gift and a thank you card for hosting. And, the parents of the bride should schedule something nice for their out of town guests if they feel awkward about leaving them on their own.

Best wishes,