[HenryLA]

As the groom to be I don't want to step out of my boundaries and infringe upon the rights of my future bride to have her wedding fun.

But I've recently heard talk between the bride and her mother that indicate the MOB's friends as well as the bride's friends plan on no less than 4 showers and parties. This is in addition to a party my parents' friends are throwing for us.

I feel that this is just too much and makes me feel like we're grabbing for gifts and/or attention.

Is it my place to decline anything beyond a single wedding shower? How do I appear gracious yet convey that I feel it is wholly inappropriate to put a guest into a situation where they might feel they have to purchase more than one wedding shower gift?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Henry,

You definitely have the right to speak up. In fact, it would be best if you did, as you two would be put in an embarrassing light if all of these parties were to be held.

Please ask your fiancee to read this site or an etiquette book about bridal shower etiquette. Actually, Miss Manners has written many articles concerning gift greed. These articles should be easy to find.

There should be no more than two showers. Family (and the couple) should not be involved in the planning or hosting of these unless also an attendant. No one should request one. And, no one, besides mothers and attendants, is invited to more than one shower.

It may be best to ask your fiancee to reflect upon the fairness of gift giving for you two. Why should anyone feel obligated to give any gifts just because you are marrying? Wedding guests do give, but shouldn't feel obligated. And beyond that, should all or many wedding guests be obligated to give more than one wedding gift? Maybe this little bit of logistics might help her realize that even one gift giving shower is a burden on her guests.

Best wishes,

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

God bless your refreshing, non-entitled attitude. There is hope for this country after all.

I suspect that you will find a very polite and gracious way to decline these additional parties. You seem like an eloquent and sensitive guy. (Lucky bride! And kudos to your parents for raising such a caring young man.) When you're telling her what I have said here (LOL) you can explain why you feel the way you do and encourage her to come over to the light with you! I'm sure she's simply caught up in the excitement of the engagement. Remind her of how there are many folks out there without jobs these days and the poor current economic climate and I'm sure she will see your way.

Please come back and tell us how it goes.