[thecsuzoo]

Ah I see this problem posted here pretty often, however this involves MY mother! She is insisting on inviting all of the out-of-town guests to the rehearsal dinner. We are having a very small wedding of 65 and the rehearsal guest list (the way my mom wants it) is at 25! She says she will pay for the difference in the bill at the restaurant however we will have to be in a large banquet room which could include another large party. Without all the out-of-towners we could fit in a nice private banquet room. I am not willing to budge on the venue. She is not willing to budge on the guest list. My mother-in-law (who is footing the bill) is not brave enough to stand up to my mom. My mom also has the philosophy "they invited you to theirs, you have to invite them to yours," which means other family are on her list as well just because they invited me to their rehearsal dinner. UGG!!! How do I get through to my mother that she is not the host!

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 10 February 2026 - 09:13 AM

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Seems like all you can do it just say NO. If you've tried the gentle approach, and that hasn't worked, then you'll just have to tell her this is not a decision for her to make since she is not the host. Explain that the purpose of this dinner is to provide refreshments for those who attended the rehearsal and to hank them for being a part of the wedding. There are parts of the dinner that should be private like the personal toasts and giving of bridal party gifts. So, this is not about money, it is about hosting the type of party that you and your groom (and the host) find acceptable). Remind her that it is not her responsibility to entertain out of town guests the night before the wedding. But, if she somehow feels obligated (and just because someone invites you to a particular party, that doesn't obligate you to invite them) perhaps you can suggest that she host her own dinner for these guests if she feels it's necessary to provide something for them. However, she is expected to attend the rehearsal and dinner.

Good luck with this.

[Etiquette Now]

Great advice! I completely agree. Your mother could absolutely host her own dinner party for those out of town guests. This should be hosted at a completely different time (and venue) than the rehearsal dinner.

Good luck!

[thecsuzoo]

UG! Oh she's on board with hosting two parties...however now she says "We don't need to rehearse, so since we aren't rehearsing I'm not coming to the rehearsal dinner." I am really struggling to see what her hang up is.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Sounds like a control issue and a little immature, if you ask me.

All you can do is to impress upon her the importance of rehearsing and of her attending the dinner. Tell her it is traditional and that there may be some things you will want to say to her at the dinner or there even could be a gift to be given. Let her know you will be hurt, disappointed and embarrassed not to have the mother of the bride attending the rehearsal dinner. It would be impolite of her not to go, but it is her decision. Hopefully she will make the right choice.

Stand your ground,

[Etiquette Now]

I agree. This sounds exactly like a control issue.

A very important lesson parents try to teach their children that it isn't all about them, that the world revolves around all of us. It is unfortunate that some adults forget this sometimes. [unsure]

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 10 February 2026 - 11:34 AM

[Ohio Wedding Planner]

I couldn't agree more that , the MOB NOT attending the event will be a huge disappointment for everyone involved. Not to mention that yes, it will be quite embarrasing for HER, in the long run. It may just be time to put your foot down and explain to her in black/white the issues/pressure she is putting on you by being so demanding. Maybe she just needs a reminder that this day isn't FOR her or ABOUT her. It is to celebrate the love and the long term union you are forming. Getting off on the wrong foot like this doesn't look good for her short term or long term.

I wish you the best of luck though, these are some of the hardest situations to deal with during the planning process.