[Bless You]

My finance has been a member of small country church his entire life with many generations before him and his church family has continuously watched over him and been there through thick and thin during his life. Our engagement came as a surprise to everyone, including his wonderful family so many are quite excited. We agreed on a small wedding/reception; however, due to the closeness of his church family it appears like that won’t be feasible but the prospect of needing to accommodate over 200 guests isn’t possible either. My fiancé told me the weddings held at the church are typically open and they are placed into the church bulletin and newsletter. He thinks this would alleviate the need to send all those invitations (which of course would include the reception) and allow us the opportunity to send personal invitations to the small group we would like to attend both the ceremony and reception (held at a separate location). I thought upon receiving a wedding invitation it was understood it included both the ceremony and reception regardless of how it was delivered to the guest(s). Is this true and, if so, does this apply to open church ceremonies? This is a second marriage for both of us and we absolutely positively do not want to hurt or offend anyone but definitely are not in a position to handle that many guests.

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Bless You,

It would be impolite to create a two class system for your wedding: those who are "invited" and those who are not. Those who are first class (invited) could be viewed as better and more special. That is an insult to those not "really invited" but are just spectators. So, this should be handled very carefully.

Having said that, the open church wedding is common in some areas. There is usually an informal cake and punch reception at the church and later a dinner for family and a small number of very close friends. It isn't polite to host the typical reception though or invite more than a few close friends. The dinner and private celebration is supposed to be small and typically a family affair.

Best wishes,