[ohboy]

As MOG, the rehearsal dinner is my responsibility. The bride wants a very informal gathering and told me she is going to have about 40 people, maybe more, mostly consisting of her grands, steps, cousins, aunts... this is not even considering my sons, out of town guests/relatives. OK, I bit my tongue on that one because I thought it was for the immediate wedding party. Now she wants me to send formal invites. I responded with "I didn't know that was something that was done". She said, "oh, yes." In my day, that was unheard of and so was anybody outside the actual wedding party. I don't feel as if I should be sending out wedding rehearsal dinner invites. HELP! (If it is a must in today's time, wouldn't emails work?) I don't have the funds for something that has gotten so out of hand and seems to benefit a specific group other than the rehearsal party itself.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

It's not your responsibility to host the rehearsal dinner, but it is traditional (you offer if you want to host). However, if you do decide to host, you get to select the type of party and guest list. Of course, we always try to please the bride and groom, as long as it makes sense and fits your budget. So yes, typically the rehearsal dinner is only for immediate family and bridal party (anyone needing to rehearse). Sometimes, if there aren't too many, we invite guests who have traveled. But that can get cumbersome if there are many guests coming from out of town and you certainly cannot invite some out of towners and not others.

So...what to do? Speak to your son (and his bride, (if the two of you are amicable) and let them know what you read and that you'd be happy to accommodate the number of traditional guests, or whatever plans suit you. Try to work things out as best you can. I''m not sure what their idea of a formal invitation is, but since the rehearsal dinner is an informal affair, a package of invitations bought at your local Hallmark store or even handwritten notes could be used. These don't have to cost a bundle. And remember, stay in your budget. If the couple doesn't appreciate that, then maybe they need to host this for themselves. :P When we offer to give someone a gift, which is really what you're doing here, the recipient doesn't get to choose the gift or insist on more of a gift. Again, speak to your son and remind him of your (gift) limited funds, how lovely you intend to make this event(and it can certainly be done on a budget!) and what a typical rehearsal dinner should be. It can be anything from a seated dinner at a restaurant to a backyard barbecue at your home. The purpose is simply to entertain and feed the wedding party, thank them for all of their hard work and give the couple time to relax and enjoy the company.

Best of Luck,

[Etiquette Now]

I agree with this great advice. And, you are correct in assuming that the party should be for those rehearsing and immediate family. When we begin inviting those outside that circle, we often create an atmosphere of "preferred wedding guests and those not so". Plus, this is not supposed to be a pre-reception. The reception is the party to reunite the family.