[questioning mom]

Please help me to deal with this issue,without causing a feud. Mother of bride has made suggestion of having rehearsal dinner at same place as rehearsal, and wedding reception, which I have taken into consideration because it makes sense. Mother of bride has taken over the planning of the dinner. I am livid and feeling like not having the dinner at this location even though it would have been a nice choice. I would have dearly loved to have been able to plan this dinner but have been left out of the equation, except for confirming details and paying the bill! She must really feel that I am incapable of planning an event. How do I deal with this without involving my son and future daughter in law? I want them to have only good memories of their wedding including the rehearsal dinner.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

I'll assume the MOB knows you offered to host and pay for the rehearsal dinner. If that assumption is incorrect, then perhaps she needs to be informed. If she already knows this, then you'll need to call her and set things straight in a clam, polite manner. I would think saying something like, Gee, I really lived your suggestion about hosting the dinner at the reception venue, however, I'd really like to be in contact with the proprietor and make all of the arrangements myself so I can stay in my budget. I'm going to call Mr. proprietor tomorrow to get things straight. I'll let you know the outcome. Then leave it alone and begin planning by contacting the venue. If you must, ask the person you're dealing with there not only deal with you on the matter of the rehearsal dinner (I'm sure they will be able to find a polite way of saying that they are dealing with the person receiving the bill for those expenses). Although I appreciate that you don;t want to give the bride and groom any further stress, if she continues to interfere, you may have to ask the bride nicely to have a talk with her mother, reminding her nicely that you're capable of making these arrangements yourself.

Leave being livid behind. Who knows what the MOB is thinking. Perhaps she thinks she's helping or thinks it is her responsibility. In any case, it probably has little to do with your competence and more to do with her being a control freak. Feel pity maybe.

Good luck.

[Nancy Tucker]

Dear Questioning Mom, I completely agree with the Wedding Queen. It is totally mindboggling that she has gotten this far without your communication. Don't feel confrontational but as the Queen says take it back into your control and into your budget. When you marry, you marry the family also and starting out on a good foot would be best for all.

[questioning mom]

Mother of bride left me an e-mail that she has taken care of the centerpieces for the tables. I am still trying to form a reply that will be gracious, but I think I will need surgery to repair the gaping hole to my tongue.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Although I truly get ya here, please don't post too may personal details since we can't delete these posts and you wouldn't want anyone to read this and recognize themselves (we mention this in the forum rules which includes using spell check, posting grammatically correct sentences with punctuation, so you may want to refresh your memory before posting anything new).

Just reply, thanking her for her work thus far, but say that since you'll be footing the bill for this event, you'll take the reins from here. Something like, I'm sure you can appreciate that I'll need to make selections which suit my budget, etc, as I'm sure you've had to do while planning the reception. Then call the banquet manager and tell him that he takes orders for the rehearsal dinner only from you. Period. That outta do it.

[Etiquette Now]

Excellent advice! I couldn't have done better myself. :D