[norsky]

Our son who is in the military recently eloped with a lovely woman who is also in the military. While I understand the reasoning behind an elopment (they needed to be married by a certain date to stay together on their next mission) we were deeply hurt by them eloping. Before they eloped, we were planning on helping with the wedding and reception expense as the brides family is not able to. The wedding and reception were not going to be in our area, but the brides area, (east coast vs west coast) and we were fine with that. Now we feel cheated and used because the still want to have the traditional wedding and reception. We feel the wedding part is done and think a reception in our area would be the most appropriate solution. We just feel like it is asking alot to require friends and family the expense of travel when they are already married. Please help!!!

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

I understand your feelings and how hurt you must be not to have been able to witness your son getting married. Have you told your son how you feel? You should let him know that they are already married and cannot "so that over" for friends and family. That would be fake. Offer to host the reception but explain that you cannot be a part of any wedding ceremony for a couple who are already married. The you have to stand back and allow them to do whatever they kike. But, you don't have to help them do it.

[Etiquette Now]

Perfect advice. It isn't fair or polite to host a pretend wedding. Hopefully your son and new daughter in law will understand this, as it appears that some just don't.