[Lady Jane]

As MOB I am in a dilemma as to how to respond to a friend who is also the godmother of my daughter. She has asked to come one week early to the wedding destination to help me with errands, guest needs, etc.When she asked me I was hesitant to say "yes" as this friend is extremely controlling and bossy. My fear is that her "help" will actually place more stress on me. I told her that I would get back to her when I had a better idea of what tasks needed to be done during the wedding week. I do have a wedding planner who will be on duty during this week with making all contacts with the vendors, managing the ceremony and reception set-up, and preparing and distributing the welcome gifts for guests and many other responsibilities. While I have been debating what to do, this friend went ahead and posted the same request on the wedding website link for the "Guestbook." She reiterated to my daughter that she was available to be her "slave" and also to keep me "calm."

My daughter and I don't know how to say "No" without offending my friend. I have thought that I could ask her to come two or three days before the wedding as a compromise.

Your advice would be deeply appreciated.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Ah, you're a good friend.

Can you possibly come up with any reason, real of made up, that would not allow additional people at the destination or wedding venue? Could you say that the wedding planner wants/is taking full control? Placing the blame elsewhere is always a good way of handling this sort of thing (IMO). But, if you cannot come up with any reason she cannot be there, then I suppose just thanking her and letting her know you and the planner have it all under control is the only other way i can see to declining without hurting her feelings. But, if she's very pushy, she may push back with reasons why she can come so be prepared with answers, if necessary. Hopefully you'll pose your reply in a way that doesn't allow for any discussion.

Best of luck. I hope this works out for you and, don;t forget to enjoy the planning and the actual wedding day!

[Nancy Tucker]

Hey it sounds like she is determined so, you need to move quickly to make her understand that she is welcome but you will not need any assistance during the last week because you have hired a wedding planner who has everything well under control. Surely there are other friends and family that she can visit with and if not make the point that all decisions are being made by the planner and please feel free to come 2 or 3 days earlier. You will be busy with last minute vendor final meetings and will not be able to accomodate guests.

[Etiquette Now]

Great advice! I agree deflecting is great, plus, you do have the wedding planner. Perhaps you could also tell her that you wouldn't want the planner to think that you didn't trust her with the job.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Oh, that's an excellent suggestion, Rebecca!