[brideandgroom1]

My groom and I are planning a destination wedding and having difficulty with the wording of our invitations. We plan to pay for all of the accommodations and food while away; the only cost which will be left up to our guests will be the flight. We have our venues narrowed down to three exclusive use properties which will each accommodate a different number of people, (for example if 80 people RSVP yes we will rent venue #1 exclusively, if 60 people wish to attend we will hire venue #2 and is there are 40 or less we will take venue #3 exclusively). The flights to all three destinations are within $200 of each other but I feel rude asking people to commit to attend without providing them concrete information about where we have selected. The smallest venue is our first choice but our parents seem to think far more that 40 people will RSVP yes since we have family in the location of the wedding.

We are really hoping not to tell people everything will be paid for on the invitation (except for the flight) but also don't know if this is possible.

Thank you for any help you can provide.

Sincerely,

Lost for words.

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Lost for words,

This is difficult since wedding invitations are sent out no earlier than 2 months before the wedding. However, it may be best to send all guests save the dates or another informal correspondence letting them know of the date and all of the particulars. These are not supposed to include RSVPs though. So, it might be best to contact all who received these, in an informal letter, email, or call informing them of the lodging choice and why you need to know if they are attending. We would never do this for a very formal wedding though. If yours is formal, someone besides you and your fiancé could contact all guests and ask them if they plan to attend.

Best wishes,