[amy715]

I'm getting very nervous about my bridesmaids. I chose their dresses back in July in order to give everyone plenty of notice and time to save money for their dresses. I spoke with the shop owner from where we are ordering them and asked her when the very latest that we could order them and still have them in time for my wedding is. She said December, so I gave my bridesmaids 5 months notice. It is now almost the middle of October and no one has gone to get measured. I have only been able to get a straight answer out of two of them as to when they plan to order them. Any time I try to speak to the rest of them about it, they change the subject. I'm a little concerned that they don't want to be a part of the wedding anymore. I don't want to come off like a bridezilla and confront them about it, but I also don't want to fine out that they don't want to be in my wedding at the last minute. I also have mixed feelings about replacing anyone. All of my current bridesmaids are friends from high school. I have friends from college that I could ask to replace them, but I don't want my friends from college to feel like my second choice.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

I don't think you're being a bridezilla at all. You have a legitimate concern. Is it possible to have a bridesmaid's meeting (lunch of dinner) where you'll have this discussion gently about getting fitted) and possibly actually go to a group fitting where every dress will be ordered? If you're worried that there is some hidden reason that they are procrastinating I would speak to each of them privately (no email) to find out if there's an issue. Perhaps when they agreed to be in the wedding they had the money and now their financial situation has changed? Maybe they didn't realize just how much it would cost? Let's find out if there is an issue and, if so, how you can help alleviate the problem. If you find there are no issues and they're just being lazy, you may need to be up front with them, letting each woman know that if their dress is not ordered by (date) they won;t have a dress for the wedding and, obviously, won;t be able to be a member of the bridal party. I'm sure you can find a very friendly, yet firm, way of getting this message across.

As for replacements, don't. As you correctly suggested, anyone who's asked to be a "replacement" in a wedding is sure to feel second best. You don't need bridesmaids to be married, just 2 witnesses. The number of bridesmaids and groomsmen is based on the number of guests (mostly for ushering purposes). And ratio of bridesmaids to groomsmen does not have to be even.

I hope I've given you some helpful suggestions. Please let us know what happens.

[amy715]

I want to thank you for your advice. I decided to speak with everyone individually in case someone had a financial situation that they didn't want everyone else to know about. At this point most of them have ordered their dresses. I had a heart to heart with one of the girls who didn't and learned that she just didn't have as much money as she thought she would. She is still coming to my wedding and bridal shower and our friendship is still intact. Unfortunately, 2 of the girls made appointments to get fitted and never showed up. They have also stopped returning my phone calls. It is a shame that it took my wedding to reveal that they are not as good of friends as I thought they were.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Thanks for coming back to give an update!

I'm glad you seem to have worked through this. And yes, it's unfortunate that the wedding planning stress can sometimes sort out your real friendships. It's a good learning process, I think.

Hope this is your only stumbling block. But if it isn't, please come back to ask more questions.

[Etiquette Now]

Hopefully others will learn by your example of how to treat their bridesmaids well.

It is unfortunate that a couple of them didn't feel comfortable enough to discuss their reasons for basically dropping out. It was very poor form on their part. But, this is a difficult time for so many people. We can't know if they are feeling the financial or emotional pain of the times. Hopefully not.

You have done everything right, proper, and polite. Bravo.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

I think women get caught up in the moment of being asked to be a bridesmaid (and brides get excited and maybe ask too soon) and then when they realize what's involved they're surprised. Let's hope these friends are just too embarrassed to tell you why they haven't shown up for you.