[maggiegrace]

We have been living together for years and as much as we love receiving gifts from our friends and relatives, all we really need is just money since we recently bought a condo together and have a ton of fixing up to do!!!   Plus, living in NYC, who has room for stuff!!!

I didn’t know how to handle this delicately, so I was trying to find a clever way to ask for money, without you know, really asking for money! Is it ok to add things like paint, furniture, hardware, etc- things that are big ticket items but you just ask for a set amount to contribute- like 50.00 towards our new kitchen cabinets? That is what I really want. I found this website where you can ask things like this, really anything at all, but they just contribute money to things that we really need, but they feel like they are buying a gift. So essentially we get money to put toward things we need, but they feel like they are buying us a real gift!!  This is ok right?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Maggiegrace,

It is never appropriate, nice, or polite to request cash for any reason. It's considered a major faux pas. Of course we often find those who disagree, typically because they make money off those who feel trapped into purchasing from these types of registries. Since we have so many posts about this, it might be best to read how guests feel about it. Guests typically do not appreciate reading a registry full of items that are not "traditional" and/or high priced. It is, most often, viewed as presumptuous--"I'm getting married, so you owe me."

All of that said, there are registries in stores like Home Depot, where guests can contribute a dollar amount toward a future purchase. Those registering should never request a minimum dollar amount on these or any other registry. Please remember that a registry doesn't make it obligatory for guests to give or purchase from them. These are only suggestions of what the couple would like, which can be quite definitely different from what they will receive.

If asked what you could use or want, it is appropriate to state that you two don't need anything except cash. Please note though that many may just mentally roll their eyes, because they may view you two as good as married since you have lived together for so long--not needing anything.

Best wishes,

[Panache by Erin]

I agree. It is definitely not good manners to ask for money directly. However, it's ok to register at places that allow the gifter to donate monetarily towards a product. Also, keep in mind that alot of gifters choose, on their own, to purchase gift cards instead of products.