[mindyfox2000]

Hi
I understand you cannot dictate what guests offer as gifts, and that asking for specific things (especially cash) is rude. BUT, like others here, we have everything we need. What we don't have is a honeymoon for lack of funds. Could I say something like, "gifts are not necessary, however if so inclined, a donation to our honeymoon fund would be greatly appreciated?" Still rude...what if I just don't register anywhere and say nothing on the invitation?

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Sorry, but still rude to mention gifts, even not wanting them, in an invitation. :(


I'd opt for not registering (but be prepared for receiving many toasters!) and if someone asks then, by all means, let them know where you are registered (the honeymoon registry). Note that the jury is still out on whether the honeymoon registry is well received.

If you were my daughter I'd tell you to forget all about the gifts completely and if you receive a gift you don't want or can't use then consider returning it to the store without a receipt or donate to charity since you already have enough for yourself. :)

[Nancy Tucker]

I completely agree. The Honeymoon Registry is as mentioned, questionable, but if asked you can provide your registry and the guest can make their own decision. Best wishes!

[Ohio Wedding Planner]

I can't say that I think the honeymoon registry is anything you want to get involved in, as it could be offensive to your guests to basically ask for money. The tradition of gift giving is that the guests get to choose something they think you will need, something you will be able to use through the many years of your marriage. Asking people to pay for anything, wedding related or not, is in my opinion, rude. People choose to buy you gifts or give you cash, you really don't get to ask for it. My suggestion is to pay for what you can afford for your honeymoon and be grateful for whatever gifts you get from your loved ones.

[Nancy Tucker]

Very well said.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

The Emily Post Institute is pretty liberal when discussing gifts. This is all the Post sisters have to say on registries: "You’re not limited to just registering for “stuff.” Charities are another option, but avoid controversial causes. You can register for a honeymoon or a trip (be careful – some services charge a fee or a percentage of the gift to cover “handling”) or even dance lessons."

"Non-traditional registries are a great new option, but registering at more traditional locations for a few household items should be considered. This allows guests who may not be comfortable with these more modern opportunities to still select a gift they know you’ll love."

Is a Honeymoon Registry appropriate?
"Yes, but don’t expect all guests to choose that gift option. Some will be more comfortable selecting a traditional gift, or giving cash. A honeymoon registry is an acceptable choice, but it’s probably safest to give guests alternate choices -- so it’s a good idea to still register for some traditional items, too."

That said, I've heard from many, many guests who think it's tacky. So, you really have to be careful when choosing this registry or any of the alternative registries like financial and charitable donations. If you really want to register, do so, but keep it really low key and register elsewhere to offer a balance.

[Etiquette Now]

Actually, that's why I break (big time) with the Posts on this issue. It may be great for the couple, but guests find it...well, less so. So, as it is with most things, it is best to consider how your actions will be viewed and how they will affect others.

The tried and true, old fashioned method has been mentioned here. When guests ask what you need, you could state that you don't need things but are saving for a honeymoon. This way they can decide for themselves if they wish to contribute. Mentioning that you want cash is much the same as saying that you expect cash. So, it may be best to consider your words carefully. :)

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

I do too, Rebecca. When my son recently got married I just told him to register so that those who expect to see a registry will have an option. I know there are many who really need/want to make sure they buy something the couple wants. Otherwise, I told him to just forget about the gifts unless someone asks him point blank. Worked out just great for them.