[ADP0803]

I grew up with my father and step-mother, but I am still close with my birth-mother. So on my wedding day what would be the best way to split up the traditional roles that a mother would do in the bridal room while I'm getting ready? My step-mother is very sensitive when it comes to matters of my birth-mom so I want to make sure things are split as fairly as possible, and to throw even more confusion into the mix I am very close with my fiancé's mother as well, but not sure what the rules of the future mother-in-law on the big day. Help!

[Etiquette Now]

Dear ADP,

The mother of the groom isn't usually with the bride as she is getting ready for the wedding. Perhaps she and you can do something special before the wedding day.

It doesn't sound like your stepmother has a close relationship with your birth mother. So, it may be best to keep the two apart. Perhaps one could be with you before you leave home and the other could be with you directly before you walk down the aisle. If your father is walking you down the aisle, it would make more sense if your stepmother was with you. He might be more comfortable collecting you from his wife rather than his ex. Plus, it seems fairer sense she has been your mother throughout your childhood.

If this isn't possible, perhaps your birth mother could spend a few minutes with you as you are preparing to walk down the aisle and then your stepmother could exchange places with her directly before you walk down the aisle. However this plays out, it seems fairer for the person who raised you to have the "starring role" and to be able to spend the most time with you.

Best wishes,