[sister_of_the_groom]

My brother whom I dearly love, moved to Chicago and met his fiancé about a year and a half ago. When they became engaged I received a picture of the ring in a text message with a save the date for September of this year. They stayed at my home for Christmas and I enjoyed getting to know his fiancé better. I just found out that the couple has decided to have a destination wedding in Italy and to only invite the parents. Apparently, his fiancé's siblings don't want to make the trip (since this is her second marriage and her first marriage was a large event). My brother has decided not to invite myself and our two sisters since her family is choosing not to attend.

My older sister and parents say I shouldn't be upset and that it's his big day so he should get whatever he wants. My younger sister is as devastated as I am. I think that if they just eloped I wouldn't be upset, but they're planning a wedding months from now and just not inviting me or my daughter. I thought we might be invited to be in the bridal party and now we're not even going to receive and invitation.

I'm wondering what etiquette says about this situation. Am I being overly dramatic feeling like I'm being cheated and deliberately hurt?

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Awwww, it's so nice to see a bother and sister loving each other this much.

I don't think this issue is anything that you can read about in an etiquette book. It is your brother and his finacee's decision to make.

If it was me, I'd let him know that I am disappointed. Perhaps he doesn''t know that you'd really like to attend? Some couples believe it to be an imposition to invite people to a destination like this - incurring all those costs.

[Etiquette Now]

For the most part, I completely agree. It is their day and they should be able to plan the wedding they want, including keeping this a small, private affair. However, your brother slipped up a bit. Actually, it was a fairly big slip-up. All those who receive save the dates should also receive invitations. This is why we are always cautioning couples not to send these out until all plans are finalized.

Perhaps they don't consider the text message an official save the date. But, it can be viewed as such, especially these days.

I'm sure your brother wouldn't want to hurt you. So, it may be best to let him know how you feel. However, there is a fine line here. I'm sure you wouldn't want to put your brother in an awkward position of feeling that he "must" invite you when he and his fiancé have already discussed their plans. So, approach him carefully.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Good catch. I didn't consider the text message. Sure would be a good point to bring up with the brother, carefully, as Rebecca suggested.