[Glee7]

My husband and I just got married on Feb. 19th. We took our honeymoon right away and just returned and opened our gifts. We were overwhelmingly surprised by the generosity of our friends and family. There is one exception to this that I have a question about. Two of my friends and their husbands were invited to the wedding. I would consider them among my best friends. They were actually involved in the Hindu wedding ceremony and I purchased them outfits from India for being a part of the day. The group of four of them put in together to give my husband and I our gift.

When we opened it the first thing we said to each other was that we thought the gifts were all re-gifted (these couples have been married in the last 16 months). One box actually had the marks from previously being wrapped and the tape being ripped off. I guess the frustration is that we have spent approximately $800 on gifts and parties between the two couples (they have very expensive tastes and were each other's best man and maid of honours - one of the weddings was also a destination wedding which we attended). Also, the fact that they "group" gifted a suspected "re-gift" of a brie baker, wine decanter, cheese board, and cork screw/wine bottle plug set (estimating the total cost if actually bought to be $75) is this not odd for two couples to "combine" their gift giving efforts? Especially seeing as we and the rest of our friends were so generous to both of them over the past year.

I know that gifts are just that ... gifts, but am I right to feel slighted? If these are good friends is it worth risking a friendship to call them on this and maybe ask for a gift receipt? Or should I just decline attending "gift giving parties" like house warming, baby showers, and birthdays in the future to avoid the gift grab from my non-reciprocal friends? It is one thing to get bad 're-gifts' from a distant cousin or aunt, but from "good" friends whom you've financially supported and showered with love and gifts?

Sorry to vent ... thought it better here than elsewhere.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

I never focus on the gifts so my reply would be to just be grateful for any gift (unless it's broken or somehow unusable).

But, yes, it's not very nice to receive a gift you knew was something someone else didn't like/want. The key is what you'll do with that information? I don't think (in a vacuum) it;s a great way to rate a friendship.

You spent what you spent to host a wedding that would be special and memorable for the two of you and to entertain the guests who came to share your day. The gifts you receive shouldn't be thought of as a sort of pay back for what you did for them. Think of it this way; if you hosted a dinner party at your home, you'd host it to be a great party for you an your friends. You wouldn't be expecting any gifts so you'd just select all of the accouterments to please you and your guests.

Hope that helps you come to terms. Try to focus on the terrific wedding memories you made.

[Etiquette Now]

I agree. And, the "re-gifts" you received are not bad, especially if you like wine and cheese.

It is not unusual for couples or anyone to give a joint gift. This is common. What is common in some areas and in some age groups is to give gifts for adult birthday and housewarming parties. However, neither are gift giving events. The adult birthday party is only a gift giving event if it is a surprise. This is because we shouldn't host gift giving events for ourselves. And, the housewarming party is supposed to be a party to "warm our new abode with love" not gifts. Yes, guests will often give small, inexpensive gifts such as wine, picture frames (table top), book, or something similar. We should never treat these parties as showers. This is inappropriate and greedy behavior of the home owner. It is a practice begun by a couple giant store chains hoping to capture more of the gift registration market--crazy, crazy, but lucrative for them.

Whether or not you skip gift giving events with these people is your choice. But, to focus on money or gift equality cheapens just about everything in life--just my opinion.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Very well said, Rebecca. And, I learned something new here too. Thanks!

[Glee7]

Thank you very much for your advise and wisdom. A special thank you for the perspective on "the other gift giving" occasions. One of these couples had actually let us know they were registered at The Bay prior to a housewarming party they invited us to which is just the more humorous now. I will take all points and just be happy with the fact that our wedding day was beautiful and the people that mattered to us most were present. I think it was initial resentment that got the better of me, but it will definitely not dominate my mind moving forward.

Warm regards.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Excellent (and healthy) attitude. Kudos! Here's to a lifetime of love for the two of you!