[skygirl1234]

Back story: My father passed away suddenly in January of 2010. He and I were very close and I am still having a hard time dealing with his death. My mother has since started dating someone (who none of my family likes - including me).

My mother has informed me that she would like her new bf to sit in the front row next to her where my dad would normally sit and he has asked to give a toast at the RD. I respectfully asked that we have an empty chair with a single rose in it and then my aunt or grandmother could sit next to my mother. The new BF can sit in the row behind them with other family, but not in the chair my dad would sit in.

Am I being Bridezilla for asking this or is mother being Momzilla by demanding her date that I don't even like sit in the front row of my wedding??? Let alone want to give a toast - that is certainly not happening.

[Yvonne - Blended Families]

I don't think you're being unreasonable in your request. I don't think your mom is necessarily being unreasonable either - she is likely thinking that it would be the natural thing to do for her new parnter to sit with her at the ceremony. I suggest that you explain to her how difficult it is to not have your father there and that doing it with the empty chair for his place, is important and symbolic for you - it has more to do with that. Don't emphasize that you don't want her boyfriend there because you don't care for him, but that this is about your Dad and your relationship with him. I think you could say to her that they are obvsiously there together and would sit together at the reception, but just not at the service and that her/their cooperation would mean a lot to you. I also think that who does the toast is another decision that you should be able to make. It does seem that your mom just wants you to really accept this new person, and yet I see why you would not want anyone else taking the place of your Dad in these matters, especially someone you don't know well who is relatively new to your family in the context of things. At some point, it really doesn't matter how much you like or dislike him as this is your mom's choice of a new partner, so you will do yourself a favor to accept that for your mom's sake if nothing else However, as this is your wedding and it is a challenging time to deal with the loss of your Dad all over again when you are celebrating one of the biggest days of your life, I think it is important that you do it in a way that fits for you and allows you to celebrate and at the same time honor your Dad's place in your life even if he isn't there with you physically. He will be there with you in spirit and you want to make that place for him. Perhaps explain it this way to your Mom, emphasizing that it's about your Dad and your relationship with him, not about excluding her friend.
All the Best!
Yvonne

[Etiquette Now]

Very well put and great advice. While it is proper to seat significant others next to each other at a wedding, you have a very valid reason for wanting the seating altered. So, I do completely agree that there is wiggle room here. Discussing this issue with your mother in this manner is a positive. It just may help your mother see through your eyes a bit.