[UpsetSister]

Hi All,
My brother recently announced his wedding date. This will be his third wedding and he is only inviting 50 people to the reception, as he wants it to be at an exclusive beachfront resort, and that is all that will fit. He previously asked that my 3 year old daughter be the flower girl, which I was thrilled about. However, through my mother, I found out that he is not inviting my other two children - who are 7 and 9.

I am my brother's only sibling, and my children are his only nieces/nephews (his wife-to-be has a couple of nieces and a nephew). My sons have had a great relationship with my brother their whole lives, and I am concerned that they will be very upset to learn that they were not invited to the wedding - especially since their little sister was.

What is even more upsetting is that my brother is allowing some of his buddies to bring their "small" children (under 3), but not my sons. Apparently, the want "cute/little children" to attend, but not older ones who may be more rowdy.

When I called him and told him that I thought this was wrong, and that he should either invite all of my kids or none of them, he told me I was a terrible sister and that I should think of him on his special (for the third time) day.

I feel like he just wants my daughter to attend becuase he needs a pretty girl to fill the flower girl role, not becuase he wants her to be a part of his special day.

Am I in the wrong here or it completely rude of him to EXPECT my daughter to be in his wedding and not invite my sons - who have a better relationship with him than my daughter. I don't want to lose my relationship with my brother, but I am really upset about this. Should I respect his wishes because this is *his* day or should I tell him it is all or none?

Sincerely,
Upset Sister

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Upset Sister,

I would be upset too. Although you are the only one who can make this decision, it may be best for your daughter to withdraw from the wedding. It may be a bit painful for your daughter, but it really is not fair and polite to your other two for their sister to be present and not them. This is, after all, a family wedding.

It is not polite to invite one child and not the others. Your brother can read our many posts about this and he might find the information in books as well. Sometimes it is difficult to find though.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Have you asked your brother how he thinks a small child might feel about having his siblings invited when he was not? Remind him of their relationship, their feelings and the fact that this is not about you, it's about the family. Weddings are all about family, not just the couple.

[Etiquette Now]

Great advice as always. I agree.