[Seashell]

My future fiance's mother died 5 years ago and his father remarried someone that hardly anyone in the family gets along with. It seems that both his father and father's wife expect him to dance with her for the Mother/Son dance, but I know that he is vehemently against it and wants to do something else (like have a moment of silence) instead of the dance. His father indicated that they will both be offended if he does not dance with his father's new wife. I told him that it is his choice, and I will support whatever he wants to do, but I am concerned that this may cause a scene at the reception. Thank you!

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Gee, I'm really feeling for him. Something similar happened at my nephew's wedding just a few years after the death of my sister. It really hurt my entire family, especially my dad.

I wouldn't have a moment of silence since that would be a real downer. Save that for the ceremony where it is expected that a few tears will be shed. We have many posts on doing a memnorial for a deceased loved once suring the wedding ceremony. You can search for those terms to see what we recommended.

I'd just leave the mother/son dance out - period.

Your groom is going to have to convey his message to his father that it would just be too painful for him. Leave out the part about him not liking his new step mommy!

Please let us know how this works out for you.

[Ohio Wedding Planner]

I do agree with the previous post. Perhaps, if it wouldn't be too hard for you, you could just eliminate the formal family dances and then that way they are just "missing" from the reception altogether, no one would think twice about it. It may end up being awkward to have just the Father/Daughter dance and then, nothing. If you have your heart set on the Father/Daughter dance, then by all means do that but have it lead right into a loud, dancing, party dance so that no one has time to think about it and if, heaven forbid, there is a scene, no one will notice.
Have the moment of silence at the ceremony and if it means more to your fiance, you can dedicate a reading or something more memorable to his mother during your wedding ceremony.
I wish you the best of luck with this situation, I hope that it doesn't come down to being a huge issue for either of you.

[Etiquette Now]

I agree with both wonderful posts--great advice. All the dances are optional, so you definitely could leave them out or even create new ones that suit your style.

[Alyssa]

I agree with previous posts that it is going to be essential for him to talk to his father in private. Don't wait until the wedding to deal with this. His father may disagree and be upset, but at least that can be dealt with ahead of time.

I also agree that some flexibility with the "dances" can exist. Rather than a mother/son dance some alternative such as his father and step mother coming over and hugging him to celebrate and "send him off" may be an alternative as well as a moment of silence to acknowledge his mother.

You're right to be supportive of him as he wrestles with this, but encourage him to make a decision and talk to his father about it as soon as possible.

Best wishes!