[Seashell]

Hello
Who helps the couple make decisions during the wedding planning process? Obviously, the final decisions rest with the couple, but I want to make sure that I include everyone in the planning. I just don't know who is to help with what. My mother is upset that we did not go gown shopping together (which was not on purpose - too long to explain here), so I want to make sure I include her as much as possible. My boyfriend and I obviously know what our budget is (small), but I want to make sure to include my bridesmaids and matrons of honor equally in the planning process. When I told one MOH that my boyfriend and I already decided about the favors (figuring that what we can buy now little-by-little would be good), she stated that she and I were supposed to plan that together as a fun thing and she was a little upset. What about my other MOH? She is more laid-back so I think she will be ok, but I certainly do not want to leave her out (she is very excited to help too) and I also don't want to make some decisions without my fiance-to-be. WE are paying for this wedding; no one else is. Don't want to leave his family out either. I have a lot of my own ideas about what I want and have a hard time delegating on anything (and honestly really rather plan the entire thing with my mother and fiance-to-be), but I am trying to be open to any and all suggestions as there is much I do not know. However, we are trying to stick to a budget. I don't want to create any hard feelings here, trying to balance all of the 'help' and the budget, and include all those close to me. Thank you. I appreciate you folks! Seashell

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

There are no hard and fast rules about decision making during wedding planning, especially if you and the groom are paying. However, there are some traditional roles and duties. Not sure where your bridesmaid or MOH got the idea that she was supposed to be involved with selecting favors, but you can just let her know that you're sorry she's disappointed but there will be many more fumn things to do like shopping for the bridesmaids dresses. And speaking of dresses, I can see why your mom might be disappointed since many moms do shop with heir daughters to select the wedding gown. Don't feel bad about this, but just let her know why you bought early and made the selection without her. Maybe include her in other shopping trips and choices. The decision about how to include other family members is really yours. Only you know the personalities involved and how each particular person might fit in.

[Etiquette Now]

I agree. Often the bridesmaids, especially the MOH, help the bride with her invitations. Of course, many couples do this together now. But, that is one thing they can assist you with.

[Seashell]

I bought the gown off of ebay "by accident" before I knew that you don't always bid against other people. I offered a price bid and the company accepted. I liked the dress, and was pretty much obligated to buy it, but if I knew that my Mom would be so hurt, I would have probably not bought the dress. However, it is almost impossible to find now the style of gown that I wanted and I still like the dress. I tried to sell it but it didn't sell. I don't have the funds to get another with my Mom and so I am keeping it. Thank you!

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Yes, eBay can be tricky to maneuver.

Just explain all of this to Mom. As a mom myself, I know I'd understand and be anxious to be involved in whatever capacity you need now.