[Soon To Be Mrs. Young]

Hello,

We are having a fairly large wedding (about 300 guests) and we would like to have a small reception after the wedding at the church for ALL invited guests. This would include my cake (the brides) small tea sandwiches, punch, nuts and mints. We would like to have an "After Party" after this reception and only invite our family and close friends to PARTY! Alcohol would be served along with heavy hor deourves (sp?), the Groom's cake and other food items. We would have a DJ so there would be dancing involved.

I do NOT want to offend any of the guests that were invited to the wedding hence the small reception, but how does a bride go about doing this? When is it appropriate to leave the small reception and go to the after party? We also are doing this since we know our Grandparents and older guests do not want to be involved or feel obligated and some of our guests would be offended by the alcohol issue.

We want a way to party with our closest friends and family without hurting anyone's feelings. Is this possible? If so, please let me how to go about this!

Thank you so much!!!

Soon to be Mrs. Young

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Soon to be Mrs. Young,

Unfortunately, this would be insulting to those not invited to the real reception--the party. All wedding guests are invited to the entire reception. If separating the reception into two parts, all are still invited. The only time it is appropriate to host a separate event after the reception at church is when the ceremony is an "open-church" event. These guests are not really the guests of the couple, but of the church. So, the couple often has a limited church reception and then a small dinner afterward with only family and perhaps a few friends. This dinner is a small one and not a party.

It is also viewed negatively because the wedding is a gift giving event, while the reception is not. So, by having a large wedding, the couple is ensured of many gifts. But, not inviting all of these generous people to the party is a slap in their face--stating that they are only good enough to give a gift, but not good enough to entertain.

Best wishes,