[Heather5311]

Hi. I in a bit of a situation. I got engaged last April, and have the wedding half planned, and half paid for September. My brother called me three weeks later (in April) to inform me that he also got engaged, and is having his in July. Our wedding is small, and intimate. With only 50 guests, both weddings are home, and the cost of travel is significant from where we live.
Our Budget, is 5K. But now, with added costs of traveling two months before, I'm not sure how I will finish planning my own. I have down sized my cake, and are doing the food myself (I'm a trained chef). But I think I may have to either postpone my OWN wedding, or not attend my brothers. Time is getting close, and these decisions have to be made soon! Any advice?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Heather,

Oh my. This is difficult. Unfortunately, this is a very personal decision. There's no etiquette involved, just a lot of feelings.

You've done everything you can do to trim costs to save the money for travel. And, you've already spent money on your wedding. Not to continue with those plans would be wasting money you will have to spend again. On the other hand, he is your brother. So missing his wedding will probably be painful for you and for him.

One option is to continue with your plans, which means to miss your brother's wedding. If you choose this course, it is best to talk to him directly explaining to him why you have chosen to do so. Also, you could ask him to have someone film the ceremony so you can see it. This will help your brother realize how much you really want to see him marry. Plus, it will help you feel better about it. You can feel a bit more included.

Of course you could always cancel your wedding for now. However, it isn't just your wedding. So, you would be making a decision that affects your fiancé and his family as well.

Good luck with this! Please let us know how it all plays out.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Have you had any discussion at all with your brother about how his wedding date plays out for you? Is it possible that he might put his date off or help you out financially? If he knows you might not be able to attend his wedding is it possible that he may be able to help out.or offer some advice?

This is a really tough spot and I feel for you. But I love your focus -- you're certainly no bridezilla!