[medacruise]

My son, age 30, just became engaged two weeks ago. His fiance is 26. They have dated for 3 months. We do not live in the same city so they made a special trip to see me and tell me of their plans. My future daughter-in-law is delightful and I congratulated them. Before she left she gave me her mother's & fathers home and cell phone. I also gave the bride my address, cell and home phone number. My son & his fiance left and I call the bride's mother the next day. Made 3 phone calls one evening (no one answered) and on the 3rd call left a message. Identified myself, said how delighted I was to meet their daughter and excited over having her as part of our family. The parents did not return the phone call. I called again the next night and left my name and phone number. Realizing many things could come in the way of a phone call, I asked my son 5 days later if they were home, etc. He said his fiance's parents were home and they told their daughter they received the 2 phone calls. So it has been 10 days since I called. What do I do now? Two phone calls I feel are acceptable, but 3 or more feels like "stalking". This was my first meeting with my son's intended so I do not know her and feel awkward asking her about her parents. This is not a good way to get started. I desperately need advice.

[Etiquette Guy]

You are in a tough spot. Frankly, after only three months of dating, it's really hard to know the dynamics of the family of your son's fiance. You have done your part by contacting them. If they haven't returned your call, they have some issue. They may be unhappy about the wedding being so soon or they just be socially inept. I would not take their lack of response personally. Whatever their issue is, they need to deal with it. I do think having a chat with your son and finding out what his take on the situation may be in order. At the moment the ball is in your future in-laws' court. I advise that you wait for their response. One will more than likely be forthcoming. In the meantime, continue your efforts in getting know your son's future bride. Keep the facts about the situation separate from any feelings you may have about it. Most importantly, have compassion for yourself and for everyone involved. Luckily for you, your responsibility in the whole deal is minimal. Relax and enjoy watching this important milestone in your son's life unfold as it will. With time, all things change and find balance, including this one. I hope this helps.

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Medacruise,

I agree with you that a third phone call might not be the best idea, definitely getting into stalking territory.

There is no way, at the time, to know why they have been reticent to return your phone calls. And, it does no good to try to fill in the blanks right now. There are many possible reasons for their behavior, none of which are your fault. So, I agree that at this point in time, it is best to focus on the happy couple and to be there for them if they need advice.

Best wishes,