[Eleven11]

We are planning a destination wedding in Aruba later this year. We are inviting friends and family to attend this beach event. In Aruba, the beach wedding ceremony is not considered legal so it would not be recognized as such upon return to the US. We decided to go to a local JP about 3 weeks before the trip. Is it ok to still consider the beach event our wedding? It will not be a renewal of vows as that is a different event request in Aruba. Thoughts? What about wording of the invitations?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Eleven,

Here's the rub. What you would be inviting guest to witness would only be significant to you two since it wouldn't really be anything besides a replica of a beach wedding--not the real thing. When guests find out that they have attended a pretend wedding, typically they are not pleased (to say the least). Plus, this is a destination event, which is expensive to attend. So, if you were to do this, it would be best not to invite guests.

There is no invitation for this type of event, as it isn't a wedding, nor is it a renewal.

The most appropriate situation would be for you two to have a private wedding and then a reception at home later. You could have your two ceremonies since there would be no guests and still be able to celebrate with them later. You could even film the Aruba ceremony and play it during the reception as well.

Plan careful so as not to insult those with whom you are close. Inviting guests to a wedding that is not one is not nice. And, I'm sure you wouldn't want to be unpleasant to those you care about.

Best wishes,

[Weddings Unlimited]

If you want to get legally married in Aruba; therefore making it legal in the USA, you have to have a civil ceremony first at their city hall. Paperwork has to be done state side through the state secretary and sent to Aruba. Usually, only the witnesses attend. A religious ceremony can still be done on the beach, but it is still recognized there as a "blessing".

If you watched the recent marriage of the Prince of Monoco, they basically followed these guidelines. They got legally married on a Wednesday and had a religious service on Saturday. The guests came to the church ceremony.

In your case...decide on the beach date and put that on your invitations. Decide on a way to get the word out (website) of the rules governing marriages in Aruba. It is done all the time and probably most of your guests will be aware of the requirements.

Enjoy your destination wedding..you and your guests will have the time of their lives.

[Etiquette Now]

I agree that in some countries, a wedding isn't legal unless the couple has a civil ceremony first, as in the case of the most recent royal wedding. However, this is a bit different as this couple is not from the country of this custom. So, it is best to follow the customs and etiquette of one country, but not both since there is conflict.

Weddings Unlimited provides a great way of doing this. Bravo! As long as all guests realize what the customs are and you marry in Aruba somewhat close to the time of your beach blessing, you should be fine.