[papufnik]

We are having a small wedding about 100 people. My son will be a Jr.Usher as well as my niece being the flower girl and another nephew being the ring bearer. So obviously they will be at the wedding and reception. The only other "child" that will be there is my other nephew (13) who is the older brother of the ring bearer and flower girl. The problem is that my fiancee has a niece and nephew who will only be 2 1/2 and 1 at the time of the wedding. Their mother (sister of the groom) is going to be a bridesmaid. There is no "father figure" of these children to watch them during the wedding or reception. The groom's parents do not realize that they will not be able to take care of them either as they will be busy with wedding details on that day. I don't know what to do. It looks like I only want the children from my side of the family to attend. This is not true it is just that the other children are too young and there is no one to take care of them on the day of the wedding to make it possible for them to be there. HELP what do I do to make sure that they are not there and no one gets upset?. I know that even if they are not on the invitation they will just be expected to be there. I have visions of either them making such a fuss at the wedding (they are very unruly and have never been told no) and no one taking them out of the church or having my future in-laws picking them up and taking them out in the middle of the ceremony. Any suggestions will be appreciated.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

I feel for you on this one. I see way too many kids left to run a muck with parents looking on thinking, "How cute!". NOT! I was in a restaurant recently when a small child, standing on his seat, was ony told to "hold your voice down. We're trying to order". Nothing about other diners trying to enjoy their experiences even that the child could fall and get hurt, only attention to the parent's comfort. It's not an isolated instance either. Parents don't seem to want to parent their kids anymore They want their kids to like them. sigh

If you want to be proper, you'll invite all children, or no children.

If it were me, I'd ask my groom to have a talk with his sister and even offer to pay for a babysitter either at the wedding or offsite.

[Etiquette Guy]

I agree with Donna on this one. I personally think small children have no place at a wedding for a number of reasons. In this case, if you don't want them there unattended that is sufficient reason and arrangements need to be made. I would hope that your future sister-in-law will understand completely. Best of luck!

[Etiquette Now]

I agree with the Wedding Queen that when you invite children it is best not to exclude a few. It is insulting to the parents of those excluded--we have many posts about this (hurt feelings all around). So, I agree with the advice that a babysitter is best. Your fiance should probably speak to his sister about this unless you and his sister are close.