[achd]

I am planning a small destination wedding. My future MIL provided a list of over 120 folks, some of them church members and others general acquaintances. She would like us to invite all of them, and indicates not all will come. We are on a tight budget and if any of them replied yes, we would be out of space at the reception. She said it is tradition that the church ladies throw a wedding shower for me, which I am uncomfortable with. Is there a "pre-announcement" or any other forum that I can send in lieu of an invitation so that they don't feel left out or ignored? Thanks!!!!!

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

I'm sorry you're in this position,but these days you're not alone. Many couples are planning smaller weddings that are more affordable.

It wouldn't be polite to invite guests you really don't want to invite and who you're hoping/not expecting to attend. Plus, as you say, what if they agree to come? I'd explain to your mother that it's not polite and why. Same for the bridal shower. (Though I have heard that in some churches it has been tradition for the ladies to host a bridal shower, it may not be appropriate anymore as brides aren't as much in need of setting up a househld, and the extra added expense of a party and gifts can be over the top in this economy. I'm sure you can find a polite way to let the ladies know that you don't need a shower (but you sure appreciate the offer). If they insist, ask them to host a gift-free shower to take the sting out of it.

Only invite those you are close with and you can accommodate. Remember, for a destination wedding, you are responsible for lodging your bridal party (bridesmaids+ groomsmen) so plan for that expense too.

[Etiquette Now]

Great advice and right on. Also, some still believe that an invitation to a wedding is obligating to the receiver to send a gift. So, when we send out invitations to those we don't really want to attend or don't know well (especially those we know won't attend), it is like begging for gifts.

I love the idea of a giftless shower, so much more polite these days.

You might want to ask your fiance to speak to his mother as well.

Good luck with this!