[maggie2011]

I have a dilemma..... All my life, I have only wanted a wedding with no guests (just me, my FH and a pastor), a small reception, and a small, not too extravagant honeymoon. Well, my fiancee lost his job, so reception and honeymoon are unfortunately out of the question for me. There will only be the ceremony, and that will be the only memory I get. I am not feeling sorry for myself, I just hope to express how I feel. My dilemma is this: his mom is adamant that she wants to be present. She has said she doesn't care what we do as long as she is there and has enough time to take the day off if need be. I personally am not close with her, but she and my FH have a pretty good relationship. My own parents, with both of whom myself and FH have wonderful relationships, are divorced. It was 15 years ago, but it was VERY ugly. They have not seen each other since the day at the courthouse for the divorce. Since it has been a long time, it may be that it would be OK for them to be there, but it would certainly be VERY awkward for me, and it's never been what I dreamed of anyway. I feel that if his mom is there, it somehow puts her in a place above my parents. Since mine are the ones that are helping us with bills with bills right now, treat us on birthdays, etc. I feel like this would be insulting in some way. So, I can have her there and none of my parents and feel like I slighted them, choose only one of them to be there, and feel horrible about having had to choose, or have this day that should be so special to me, be a day I am focused n how they are feeling right then. I just don't think it's fair for me, the bride (such a bride as I will be) to have to be put in this situation for what FH's mother wants. I don't know what to do... All I know is I am dreading it now Help!!!

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

I would hope that your parents could find it in their hearts, and minds, to try to be civil to one another for one day and agree to be at your wedding. Let each of them decide if they can handle being in the room with the other -invite them all. If they want to see their daughter married, and as a mother mysef I can't imagine any parent not wanting that, they should be able to be mature enough to be in the same room.

That being said, many couples do elope so that is an option, but one that you and your future husband should make as a couple.

[maggie2011]

My real issue is that I don't want anyone there. I wanted this even before my parents split up, and they are both supportive of it. (my family is different about weddings... We don't really do big ones, and don't make a big to-do about it.) I know they would be civil to each other. Maybe even friendly. But it would make ME feel weird. My issue is how I feel, and if I should put that aside for MIL. My parents are happy for me no matter what I do. I think I must have not explained properly... It's really about my feelings and MIL feelings.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

I was just suggesting that this is about how both of you feel, bride AND groom. What does he want? Decide together - it's his wedding too!

I'm sorry he lost his job. I hope he's back to work very soon.

[maggie2011]

Oh i was just thinking that in my excitement of finding somewhere to share this, I may have rambled on past making my point. He was actually tickled when it first came up and I said my dream was a little bit different from most girls growing up. Hebdoesnt want to hurt her, but if eloping were possible to avoid all this, he would be all for it as well. It all just stinks really.

[Etiquette Now]

Some feel very strongly about the wedding being more than just the couple's day. I am a part of that camp. However, I also believe that if a couple chooses to have a private wedding, they should be able to do so. These two beliefs seem at odds with each other. However, if not inviting guests, including family, it really shouldn't be an issue. So, eloping does sound as if it is the best, most polite solution for you. Perhaps you can get someone to record the event so your parents can see the ceremony later.