[bonniemi]

I live in Michigan, and my wedding is out of town (Virginia). Also, I just moved here, so I don't have too many friends in the area I'm planning on inviting to the wedding. I'm in a small coed singing group and I'd love to invite some of the girls to my shower being hosted by my maid of honor locally. I don't know all of them very well, though. Of the people in the 16-person group, 3 of the girls and 2 of the guys are already being invited. I'm fine inviting all the girls in the group to the shower, but then does this mean that I also have to invite them all to the wedding? I actually wouldn't mind inviting them all to the wedding, but then would I also have to invite all the GUYS in the group (not coming to the shower, which would be women-only) to the wedding?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Tricky,

Only those invited to the wedding may be invited to the shower. A shower is not only an event to 'shower' the bride with gifts, but is also an event designed to help the guests feel as if they are more a part of the wedding planning process.



Best wishes,

[bonniemi]

I know that that's the rule :) But, then should I risk hurting the group members' feelings by only inviting 3 of the group members to the shower or just invite all of them to the wedding even though I don't know them well?

Then, if I invite all the girls to the wedding, do I also have to invite the guys in the group to the wedding? What's my best option?

[Etiquette Now]

You would only invite those whom you wish to invite. If you are closer to some than to others, it just makes sense to invite those people. It is the same in the workplace. Invite some, or all. It is difficult to invite all in most cases.

Do what you feel is right. Only you will know what that is.

Best wishes,