[mooks]

My fiance is German and I am Asian. Germans don't get engaged, and only have 1 ring. I however, have always wanted 2 rings. When he knew that the engagement ring, he asked me to go shopping with him to see what I like. In the end, we met with a diamond dealer that offered to find us the right stone that I liked since there was nothing in the shops that I like except that I had a preference for Asscher cut stone. The dealer and my bf agreed to keep in touch and he could contact my bf when or if he finds the stone. My bf also asked me during this meeting what designs I like and I told him I would leave it up to him and I trust him. When the stone was found, the dealer called me and told me how much it was. I told him that it's best to call my bf and they can deal with the stone. I still want to be surprised.

When we got engaged 2 weeks ago, I was so excited and told my closest friend. My fiance on the other, didn't even tell his friend and we both took off for vacation. I was a bit annoyed that he didn't want to share the news and he said he has his ways of doing it. When we came back from vacation, 2 people approached him and told him that they knew he was engaged and commented on how much he spent on the ring. He was quite upset that they knew although it was the wrong amount but close to what he spent. He got upset at me that I told our good friend about my expectations with 2 rings and how in Germany, no one gets engaged and people just have one ring which the couple picks out together. He told me to learn this lesson to keep my mouth shut. I never disclosed any info about the ring cost to our friend, but only that we went ring shopping. I never knew the final cost of the ring as well. He suspects that it's our good friend that disclosed the ring cost. He told me he was happy to buy the ring, but never expected to have to deal with comments from people about how much he spent. I don't know why he is taking the comments in such a negative way, he should be proud of it. I guess it's a private thing for him.

Now I am not happy about my ring coz he makes me feel bad for wanting 2 rings and that I told our friend about the ring stuff, which I only mentioned that we went shopping. I don't even want to plan a wedding.

What should I do now? How can I make us both feel happy again?

Sad fiance

[Bridal Stylist]

So sorry that your feeling sad.

Why don't you research some German Home Style Recipes, and surprise your fiance. That would be a nice thoughtful nod to his German heritage.

Maybe write him a nice card and mail it to him. Tell him how much you love him and that you couldn't be happier with him. You've learned your lesson and will keep private any future details.

Hope that helps,

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Mooks,

This is a matter of communication, not rings or planning. He is a private person and you are like most of us just wanting to share your joy. I don't think that this is something you should have to 'learn' from--to keep your mouth shut. This is something that had to have happened eventually to bring to light that you two are different people with different cultures. This should be aired out with the help of a mediator. The feeling you are getting is that inside voice telling you this.

You did nothing wrong. Please try to get some pre-wedding counseling. I imagine that will be difficult if he doesn't want anyone to know his business. But, if you are afraid to talk to people and he gets angry at you when others just mention something that should make everyone happy...well, that is a big red flag.

Best wishes,