[elorenzen]

My husband and I recently had an 'elopement with friends' in Arizona. My MIL (who attended the elopement) graciously offered to host a party/informal reception to celebrate the wedding in Michigan (my husband's hometown, and where we both went to college; hence most of the family and friends can attend).

The friends who attended the ceremony live in Arizona, and, like us, are recent graduates that do not have a lot of extra spending money. I do not expect them to attend the party as it is far away, and would involve non-mutual friends. However, I feel that I should send them an invitation anyway, as they were part of a special day.

I have been told that sending invitations to people you know will not attend is tacky, since there is the implied expectation of a gift. I also do not want them to feel pressured to attend the party, since they have taken time off to attend the ceremony and given us very nice gifts and well wishes on the day of the elopement. At the same time, I would like them to know that they would be welcome at the party if circumstances had allowed for it.

The second situation is my husband's aunt. She lives in a nursing home, and would not be able to attend. However, we'd like to send an invitation so she will feel included and have something to show her friends at the nursing home. We don't expect a gift from her (or anyone, for that matter) but we just don't want to make her feel left out.

Should I send them invitations anyway, and ignore those who accuse us of 'gift-fishing'? Should I include a personal note to those friends explaining that we appreciate their attending our elopement and that we would understand if they decline the invitation? However, I'm worried that this may lead to awkwardness in the event that they want to attend, regardless of the cost?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Inviting,

You definitely should invite everyone you wish to invite whether or not you feel they can travel. This is because they may feel leftout if you don't. Because this guest list is so small, you could handwrite these invitations, in which you can state everything you wish to state.

Best wishes,

[elorenzen]

Thank you for the advice. All of the invitations will be handwritten anyway as the party's guest list is small as well. (about 40-60 people).