[upset]

My daughter, 23, is not being invited to her first cousin's shower and wedding. We have a big close family and this is the first family event where a relative has been selectively chosen not be invited. I was told by my sister (mother of bride-to-be) that she, the bride-to-be (my niece) and my sister's other daughter (my niece), have all decided that my daughter is not going to be invited to the shower/wedding because she has had a second baby out of wedlock and doesn't live up to their lifestyle standards. I find my sister to be very hurtful and hypocritical. I've asked her 2 times to reconsider and they won't. My daughter suffers from low self esteem to begin with and for her to find out that she has been singled out for not being invited will really hurt her feelings - as it has mine and the rest of my family. My question is... is there a rule of etiquette for inviting first cousins? Shouldn't it be "invite all or none"? This has always been a presumed rule of thumb for our entire family for ages. What's your opinion? We all live local so this isn't a matter of us traveling long distance to attend.

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Upset,

Sorry, but no. There is no rule that states that any family must be invited. The bride and groom invite those to whom they feel close. Many times that is not family.

I'm sorry that your daughter has been excluded.

Best wishes,