[FutrMrsChessari]

Hello,

My fiance and I just bought a house and cannot afford the wedding we want, but want to get married. We both can forgo the ceremony ( I would probably faint anyway I hate being in front of people) and get married at the courthouse. But my question is is it ok if we get married, don't tell anyone, save some money and then have a great reception and invite all of our family and friends down the line? Is it ok to do a reception only even if we have gotten married months before? I am so confused and keep pushing this off because it is all very overwhelming. I want a fancy reception, but my fiance is starting to think I don't want to get married...I just want to have the celebration, fun, and pride of haveing a lovely reception.....please help![shocked]

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Well, you know, the old saying, "you can't have your (wedding) cake and eat it too", really applies here.

You need to decide what is really important to you, getting married to the one you love or having a party. Seems to me you've answered this question already when you say that you can give up the ceremony. The ceremony IS the wedding, my dear, the rest is just the icing.

If you want to be married right away then host a reception you can afford (there are lot's of ways to host a reception on a budget). Then, when you're better off financially, you can have a vow renewal with a grand party to follow (no gifts are expected for a vow renewal though, sorry).

If you want to have a killer reception then postpone the wedding (remembering to discuss your feelings with the groom so he won't be wondering) until you have the money to have the reception you want.

[FutrMrsChessari]

I understand what your saying.....if I sound like a brat I am not trying too it's just that both sides of the family are really judgmental and have money and I don't want the whole thing to be tacky....can you recommend and books on ways to have a nice wedding on a budget. See we recently went to a really tacky wedding and I have all these fears because so many people ripped the wedding apart and I know they must be shallow people but considering the amount of judgment me and my fiance have gotten because of our age difference, I just want to have something really nice to reinforce that we are the happiest people on earth.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

You can have a nice wedding if you plan it properly. I can certainly recommend some wedding planning books but first check out: How to Save Money on Your Wedding before you spend any money on books.

One book I highly recommend is Peggy Posts newest book on etiquette which won't necessaarily save you money but it can help you to NOT make any ettiquette mistakes:

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Remember that "less is more"!

Stay focused on what's important (put your time and energy into the ceremony first) though and you'll have a beautiful day! I mean really...who can watch two people, obviously in love, exchanging wedding vows and think tacky? Not me!

[left]Best of luck to you both...

[FutrMrsChessari]

Thank you![:)]

[Deacon Bob]

I recently officiated a wedding where the couple purchased a home. They teased that the house was their honeymoon. What they did is hold a small wedding for family and close friends at the house. It was very tastefully done and then instead of a large reception reserved a room at a nice resturant and treated everyone to a nice dinner. It was very nice and intimate. The couple got to enjoy their guests and everyone had a wonderful time. You don't need to have a big "show" to have a tasteful wedding. Right now, you have to be concerned about what is the best for the two of you and the family you are about to start and not what others are going to think. If later on you want to have a big party -- why not wait until a key anniversary -- such as the 5th, renew your vows and host a party to celebrate the renewal of your vows and five years of successful marriage. God Bless. Bob

[FutrMrsChessari]

Thank you very much! that is a good idea....I will have to put some thought into it![:)]