[disappointedmum]

My two children are in my niece's wedding. The wedding is formal. However my daughter (flowergirl) is to wear I'm afraid to say but it is a tacky party dress ($25 from a dept. store)...my other niece had picked it up as a present for the bride (because it was such a good deal!) I did insist on paying for it though. She had just wanted my son (ring bearer) to wear black pants and a white shirt. The bridesmaids dresses are beautiful and so is the bride's gown...all of the men in the wedding party are wearing nice tuxedos. I was asked to shop for his outfit which I did and didn't find anything that was of very nice quality so I told her so and I suggested that he wear a tux like the rest of the guys. (For me, it is such an honour I don't really care what it is going to cost for them to be dressed nicely) So she was quite fine with that and he'll be wearing a tux. Now my problem is my daughter still...her dress is going to look even more tacky and inappropriate now that my son is going to be properly dressed. I just feel so sad about this and I really don't know what to do. I have seen a couple of dresses that I know my niece would love, however how can I do this without creating waves. I know I should probably just leave it alone as I have already had my wedding but I think she's making a big mistake in not getting a lovely dress that would be as nice as the rest of the wedding party...especially when we are willing and wanting to pay for it.

This post has been edited by disappointedmum: 04 May 2025 - 11:07 AM

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Mum,

Actually, a suit would have been better for your son. But, if you couldn't find anything of quality, he will have to wear it. One way of handling this would be to find the dress you want and tell the niece who bought the other dress that you just couldn't pass this one up. You could add that you are sure your daughter will have plenty of opportunities to wear the lovely dress she found for your daughter.

Her dress should echo the formality of the bridesmaid dresses, but not match it. It could be a print if theirs are solid. Ballet slippers are a great addition.

Best wishes,

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Is there any way this dress "might not fit properly?" That might be a good way to get out of it.

Better to check with the bride first. She may like the dress her sister selected for your daughter.

[disappointedmum]

She does like it! However, the family isn't really up on all the proper etiquette and she thought it was her responsibility to purchase the dress...it was also her sister's impression too. So when it was bought they thought they were saving the bride money. So my feeling is if they saw a real flower girl dress (that they don't have to pay for) they would like it much better. I'm pretty sure I would come across as being snobby to them. The thought of it not fitting believe me has crossed my mind. Thank you for your response!

[Etiquette Now]

One thought too, and thank you Wedding Queen for reminding me, is that the bride chooses the dress. You pay for it. But, she is the one who decides how your little girl should dress. Maybe she liked the dress. Of course, it may be exactly as you say that she thought she was saving her sister money.

This is a consideration though.

[disappointedmum]

Thanks Rebecca for your responses. I do totally agree with you...its not my call but I also know that there was no looking around for this dress so I don't even think the bride knows how beautiful the flower girl dresses are. Honestly, if it was just a matter of me not liking the dress I would never open my mouth. It is a very cheap looking dress while all of the other outfits for the bridal party are very classy. I badly just wish I could buy a couple of the beautiful dresses and the one we already have, lay them out and get her to re-think it...if she still chooses that one then fine. I guess though its in poor taste and may be hurtful. I already got myself into a bit of trouble for mentioning to the mother of the bride (my sister in-law) its not proper etiquette to invite people to the shower that aren't invited to the wedding. Thanks again!

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Hmmm...what if your daughter refused to wear the dress because it was too itchy? Just a thought...

Yes, telling someone they are committing an etiquette fau paux if they haven't asked can be dangerous...try to avoid getting involved unless asked.

Perhaps a copy of Peggy Post's newest Book of Etiquette could be purchased as part of the bridal shower gift? Good reference for all areas of life, not just weddings.

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 26 April 2025 - 06:43 PM

[disappointedmum]

You and my husband think alike! I'm afraid though my daughter who will be 8 likely won't go for it...she's being bigger about than I am [:/]

Thanks you have been very helpful...what a great site...I wish it were around when I got married.