[Pandora]

I'm having serious issues with the dance I'm supposed to do with the father of my groom. My fiance's father assaulted me 2 yrs ago and is still a major issue with me. I don't trust my personal safety with his family (many problems) and if it were up to me, I wouldn't even invite them. I've given in so my H2B will have his family with him, I just don't how to gracefully decline to dance with his father. If I don't dance, I'm sure my mother in law to be will be offended. I don't want to invite the aunt that caused all the problems nor the cousin that used us to buy drugs. His mother isn't in agreement with me on that issue. How much do I have to give in to his family? As it stands, another major issue with any of them will be the last straw. Am I wrong to insist that this is a day of celebration with the people we love and don't want to pay to have people who only wish us ill?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Pandora,

First of all buying illegal drugs (I'm assuming that the drugs were illegal) and assault are offenses that can and should land people in jail. Personally, I would not associate myself with anyone who did either, especially if someone assualted me. Moreover, my husband would not allow anyone close to me who hurt me even if that person was his closest family member. Believe me, if he was not this type of person, I would not be married to him.

Besides the dance, which I don't believe you should chance, I believe you may have another issue here. Yes, it has been two years. But, assault is assault. If you still fear for your safety, this is a major issue going forward.

Please consider what might come after the wedding.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Pandora:

The bride doesn't typically dance with the groom's father; the bride dances with he father and the groom dances with his mother. Some people do have these other dances but they aren't tradition so you don't have to dance with your father in law just becuase you feel it's part of the typical reception.

But, I agree with Rebecca. Your situation sounds more serious than just wedding etiquette and should be attended to by you, your fiance and his family along with a professional doctor or counselor. If this man is invited to your wedding he'll probably be a part of your life for all ocassions going forward and you'll want to be sure you, and any future children you might have with this man, will be safe.

[Pandora]

I understand your concern, I've addressed the situation as best I can. They are not a part of my life, only his to a very small degree. I don't allow them in my home, I don't speak to them on the phone, nor do I allow myself to be in a public place with them. My father is a psychologist so I have sought the help I need for me. My fiance has tried to get the help he needs. I can't get help for them, all I can do is try not to make the current situation worse. Before the assault happened, my fiance and his parents were very close, now not at all. As soon as possible, I'm moving him out of state so this will no longer be an issue. Thank you for your concern. I didn't realize that dancing with his father is not a tradition. Either way, it was never going to happen. Now I know how to address this dance issue.