[shellynn21]

For warning this might be a long post. Thanks..

My husband and i are thinking about renewing our wedding vows in 2008. We were married by a justice of the peace in 1998 and i will be honest i was pregnant and we were young he was 18 and i was 20. We are from traditional spanish families, his more traditional than mine. We were dating for 4 years before i got pregnant. my thing is when the parents found out it was his side that was of course traditional. His dad informed him that he WAS to marry me and get me in their house before i started to show.shows you how traditional they are. To make things short, we got married at my parents house(they wanted to have a little something for us,and paid for it all). I was informed by his mother that i was not to wear white it was not to be a big dress no veil and she went on and on and on. I new certain things were not allowed because i was pregnant, you know no church the veil and of course white, but to me that is were it would have stopped i wanted something big, always did but it was not my choice. He did ask me to marry him before his dad stated the above. We were high school sweet hearts and were and are still very much in love. Alot of people and family did not expect us to last ( they didnt know how long we were together before i got pregnant, and they were not in our relationship). Well we proved them wrong and i worked and put him threw engineering school in which he graduated and we are still together. Well to get to the point, since our families are very religious i would like to renew our vows threw the church. I was thinking of having a small church event and invite the imidiate family who have always been there since the beginning for us about 70-75 people. and then we were thinking about having a reception for the rest of the family (remember spanish families are HUGE). I was thinking it would be nice to make the reception a family reunion for the event. To me this is not a wedding renewal event for gifts or to show people how big it could have been, but a renewal for religious believes and bringing family together again, it could be the last time for some family members to see each other. Is this ok? How do i tell them we dont want anything from them we just want them to come and have fun and enjoy themselves? We have two daughters how would i include them in the church event. Can i were white? I would like to were a long dress that drags on the floor, with a see threw chiffon 2 ft tain, is that ok? I know no veil is allowed because thats suppose to represent purity. Can i wear a flower head piece? What about a wedding party? Who will walk me down the isle? Can we have a wedding cake and grooms cake? You have to understand that they are traditional spanish people so if they recieve an invitation to a renewal of vows, reaffirmation ceremony/reception, most will say what is this? how do i get all the information across to them so they know why im doing it? Is it wrong to make the church ceremony private and invite the rest to a reception. How would i state that? Should i have two different invitation, one for the close people who will attent the church and the rest for the guest for the reception. Im looking into this ahead of time so i can start planning and saving these next 2 years. I am planning it so family and friends find out when they receive the invitations and that way if they ask to help i can just say thank you for asking but every thing is already planned or tell them everything is already done but if they could help pick this or that up for me.
thanks for your help, would much appreciate it.

shelly

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Happily Married,

Yes, you can make this reception a family reunion also. Many people do this. You may wear white and have a train with flowers in your hair. White stands for celebration.

Your daughters can walk you down the aisle or be your attendants. You may have attendants if that is what you want.

You may have a cake, but it will be an anniversary type cake, not a wedding cake. It could look a bit like a wedding cake.

Your invitation could be informal and handmade. You could invite everyone to share with you a renewal of your wedding vows on your 10th anniversary. Most people understand that people renew their vows on their anniversaries, so you shouldn't have many problems.

Luckily for you it is fine to write "no gifts please" on these invitations because this is an anniversary party also. So lucky.

You could send two different invitations, one for the wedding and another for the reception. For those invited to both, these could be in the same envelope. And, yes it is fine to have a smaller renewal and larger reception.

Congratulations!