[DocDer]

My fiance and I live in different states (IL and UT) and are getting married in a third state (WA). We are getting married in another month and won't be together until just before the wedding. We have already gotten several wedding gifts early (even one over 6 months early!). Most of them are going to her parent's house, but I just recieved one here (Illinois). Everything I've read on gift ettiquette says that thank you's should be sent right away after you get the gift. This sound's easy enough, but I want to open OUR gifts together (not just me or her). Also, for the gifts sent to her parent's house, we won't be able to open them until we get there just before the wedding. In order to send a thank you now, her parents would have to open these gifts and that just doesn't seem right. Is it still ok to wait until after the wedding to send thank you's for the early gifts? Thanks for your help.

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 11 June 2025 - 02:15 PM

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Groom,

I'm sorry. It is proper to write the thank you notes now. Your gift givers would like to know if you received your gifts and like them. So, her parents will need to open the gifts sent there and both of you will have to open the gifts sent to you. All of you will have to open the gifts, inspect them to make sure they are not broken or missing parts, and you and your fiance write the notes. The gifts shouldn't be used until after the wedding. So, they can go right back into the boxes they arrived in.

It would have been wonderful for you two to open your gifts together, but it is only fair to your gift givers to open them now.

Best wishes,

[bethysms]

I agree with the etiquette that should be done here, but I also think that it would be all right to write a thank you note for the gift, telling them that you received it, and will be opening it when you and your fiance are together before the wedding. If there happens to be anything wrong with it (broken, etc.), you should have plenty of time to at least exchange it. Even if you don't like it or get two of the item, you wouldn't mention that in the thank you note anyways. Because of your special living arrangements, people should understand.

[Etiquette Now]

Jeez, I hadn't thought of that! That is a wonderful alternative. Good thinking. This is considerate of the gift givers and of the couple.

Of course, the couple would have to make sure and write another thank you note when they know what the gift is. That is only fair. People want to know that you appreciate the gift.

Thank you for mentioning this.