[Bridesmaid #3]

The bridal party resides in different states. MOH is Brides only sister, Groom dislikes brides mother. MOH planned a woman only shower - Brides and Groom made it clear this was not acceptable, must be couples shower. MOH planned a couples showers in her home state, also homestate of Bride, Groom and wedding. MOH had requested a copy of the wedding guestlist. Bride and groom sent a guestlist for shower about 60 people as he has a large family and it is a large bridal party. MOH sent out invitations indicating Surprise Couples Shower to all but 2 people on list as they were from several states away and are not immediate family, not close friends of bride and are not in bridal party. MOH receives call from Bride, Grooms mother very upset that her friend state several hundred miles away did not receive invitation. MOH advises bride shower was to be a surprise, which she (MOH) was hosting if Grooms mother has a request or problem she should contact MOH directly. Later same day Bride calls MOH and is angry that another member of grooms guest from over a thousand miles away was not invited. Brides says MOH had no right to edit guest list. MOH explained she was the host and she felt it was poor form to invite out of state people (except immediate family) and that she would not discuss the issue with Bride. MOH told bride that MOH would have to deal with the consequences. MOH then receives nasty voicemail from Groom stating that MOH disrespected and insulted him and his family and that no one from his side would be attending and that MOH ruined the shower for the bride. MOH felt grooms family had disrespected her as host by complaining to bride and groom about the shower, Bride was ungrateful and demanding and that Groom was way out of line. MOH decided to cancel shower. BTW -MOH is expecting her first child in 3 months. Two days after grooms nasty voicemail Bride advises MOH that she wants MOH to cancel shower and is being dismissed as MOH. In your expert opinion who is out of line in this situation?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Bridesmaid #3,

Run. Run very fast and very far! This is a pit of snakes all vying for their next prey. Who are these people any way?? No need to answer--rhetorical.

No one in either family should have anything to do with requesting, planning, or hosting a shower. The couple shouldn't expect one either. Jeez. If one is requested, the host could request a guest list from the bride, couple or mothers. But, the host has control. She/he sets the limit, not parents or the couple. 60 people is too many. I don't care how large the family is. That is too many people. It appears greedy. And, the dismissed MOH is right about not inviting the out of state "friend".

In this case, if all is correctly presented, the couple and parents acted very poorly. They were disrespectful to the MOH and owe her more than just an apology.

Run now while you still can.

Best,

[Bridesmaid #3]

Please help - The Bride and Groom are now stating that the out of state person who the MOH did not invite to the shower is not only a close friend of the mother but also close to the family and the Groom refers to her as "Aunt" The Couple feel that this clarification totally justifies their reaction and behavior and that the MOH (sister of the bride) totally disrespected the groom and his entire family by not inviting her to the shower. The MOH(sister of the bride and only host of the shower) feels that she did not disrespect any of them. She believes the grooms family, the groom as well as the bride disrespected her. The MOH feels as host she had ever right to exclude out of state guests on both sides (except immediate family) as in her opinion it is rude. The MOH feels they disrespected her by (1) grooms family complaining to the couple about the shower (2) refusal of her suggestion that if anyone had requests or concerns about the shower, they contact her directly (3) Bride telling her she had no right to edit guest list (4) grooms nasty voicemail message and finally (4) being dismissed as MOH. In your expert opinion, does the fact that the excluded out of state guest, although not family, is close to grooms family alter your previously stated opinion in anyway? Thank you

[Etiquette Now]

It really doesn't matter who this person was, they had no right to treat the MOH this way. They have no right to become involved in the shower unless asked for a guest list of which the host has every right to edit.

They were disrespectful and owe the MOH an apology. Of course, they don't have any etiquette police around to ensure polite behavior.